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don’t think she has a clue what day it is.

    I’d be happy to do this, if someone took me there – although I don’t really see the point. What you wouldn’t catch me doing is living there. Imagine
    trying to arrange for a builder or a plumber to come round? It gives them the perfect excuse to mess you around.
    JJ said, ‘And this is the son that is in place of the supreme chief. And his speech is: “I would like to take this opportunity to thank you and to tell you that we appreciate your
presence here, and to tell you that it’s the first time in our history that we the black people and the white people sit together here to share food. In the past, our ancestors and our elders
never ate together with the white people, and we want this unity and the peace.”’
    The chances are, if you’ve got an interesting family tree you already know about it. If you were somehow linked to Einstein that information would have been passed down
    through the family. If you go looking for things you’re more likely to find problems. It’s like having a check-up at the doctor’s or taking your car for a service –
    they’ll find problems that weren’t a problem before they started looking. Knowing my luck, I’d end up having to pay a gas and leccy bill for some old Pilkington who never paid
    it before they died.
    I’d be interested if they could go really far back – right back – so they could show me a photo of an ape, jellyfish or slug and say ‘Karl, this is the earliest
    Pilkington we could trace. This is your great great-great-great-great-great-great-grandad.’
    We ate some chicken, and I asked if anyone had any questions, expecting to be asked about what food I like or what hobbies I have, but they kept asking questions I didn’t understand or
know the answers to about their prospects and future.
    KARL : You don’t need to worry. Everything’s gonna be good, I’d say. Everything’s good.
    JJ : (
translates to rest of village
) Thank you for the message you give us confirming us not to worry, everything will be OK. It is a time
     when our elders have to decide on what they will do, but we depend on you now that you have promised everything will be good.
    KARL : I think it will be. I think it’ll be alright. Things change, but, I think, I think it’ll be alright. I’d carry on as you
     are.
    I was guessing, but I do think they’ll be alright. We then danced to some chants to celebrate the good news. It started off with a type of conga before moving on to some foot stamping that
caused dust to fill the air from the dry ground like a natural smoke-machine effect. The men danced as the women sat and watched, some with their faces decorated in splattered colours as if
they’d been to a paintball event.
    If Suzanne wanted to do this to her face I’d have an issue with it, as she’d make a right mess of the pillowcases when she went to bed, but here they don’t have pillowcases, so
they don’t have to worry about stuff like that. All the bright colours must attract wasps though, which must be annoying.
    Albi and JJ wanted to take me to see Grandmother, so we got back in the van and travelled quite a distance. We ended up staying over at another village for the night. I ended up sleeping in a
treehouse, with a headache from hunger, as I didn’t bother waiting for tea after they showed me what they’d be serving up. It was fruit bat. It’s a bat, and adding the word
‘fruit’ to it doesn’t make it any more appetising. I don’t think I could count it as one of my five a day, either. I asked how long a bat takes to cook, a question I never
thought I’d ask. I doubt Ask Jeeves or Google would even know the answer. I said I’d skip tea, as the smell of the dead bat didn’t grab me, and went to bed. You’d think
they’d go to bed earlier, with them having no electricity, but it didn’t stop them singing and dancing well into the night to the same song over and over and over again. I kept