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bell rang, and I am finally free. Free from the persistent stares of my classmates. Free from the bits of paper thrown in my direction when the teacher isn’t looking that never fail to bounce so flawlessly off my forehead or cheekbone, some sticking in my hair. Free from the whispers behind cupped hands that aren’t really whispers at all but purposely sharp-tongued jabs meant to put me in my place.
    Slut.
    Unwanted.
    Liar.
    Whore.
    The harsh words used to cut and bleed, piercing through flesh and bone, sharp gashes so deep that hardly anyone noticed the lacerations. Now I’m left with hardened scars that barely register pain anymore when pressure is applied. I’ve been at this school for three years now. Aside from a single month at the very beginning, it’s been bad from the start.
    Since then, bad has become worse.
    Worse has become awful.
    Awful has become unbearable.
    And now I have Cameron asking me to sit with him at lunch. The request would have been laughable if he hadn’t been so sincere. He’s young. He doesn’t know. It won’t take him long to find out.
    Someone walks past me and slaps a book out of my hand. It’s three inches thick and lands on my sandaled foot, but I don’t flinch. I never flinch anymore. To flinch is to show weakness, and I save that for nighttime.
    Nighttime. When no one’s around.
    Nighttime. When the only beings who can hear me are the silent demons floating around the black air that fills up our home. Even though it can often be suffocating, the night is when I feel most comfortable; late at night, when no one calls for me anymore.
    I jump when a hand lands on my shoulder.
    “It’s about time you showed up. Ready to eat? I’ve got to say, I want a peanut butter sandwich about as much as I want to take a big bite out of my own arm, but I’m starving. What did you pack? Anything I might want to trade for?”
    Against my better judgment and in spite of my racing heart, I find myself smiling. Cameron’s a talker. I haven’t been talked to this much in…I can’t even remember.
    “Of course I don’t have anything else, and for the love of god, do you ever shut up?” Part of me wants him to. To be quiet and leave me alone and let me live out my normal isolated routine where I walk the halls with both teachers and students trying to avoid me. The other part of me likes this change of pace…the idea of eating without being surrounded by empty tables and a barren, whitewashed walls. This is different. Different might not be all bad.
    “Sometimes. Like, when I’m asleep. Why, am I bothering you? It didn’t seem like I bothered you last night when I helped you with the dishes.” The low buzz of conversation greets us as he leads us into the cafeteria. Cameron looks over his shoulder. “Besides, I don’t see anyone else lining up to talk to either one of us. So do you want to sit with me or not?”
    There’s really nothing to think about. Soon enough he’ll decide I’m not worth the drama. Everyone does. “Sure, let’s eat. Pick where you want to sit.”
    I follow him to a table at the back, each step I take growing more and more impressed. Either Cameron doesn’t notice the stares and whispers that trail behind us like billowing plumes of smoke that grow taller with the passing minutes, or he’s really good at acting unaffected.
    I don’t understand it. But when he plunks his bag down and smiles at me over a bite of his sandwich…
    I smile back.

Chapter 5
    Cameron
    “P lease explain his weird fascination with peanut butter. It’s out of control.”
    She’s made that kid two more sandwiches since the one I made this afternoon, and I swear peanuts are either stuck up my nose or coming out of my pores. It’s all I can smell. And now he’s asking for another even as he splashes in the grimy bathtub tonight. I’d ask why it’s so dirty, but it’s clear Shaye does the cleaning around here, and I don’t want to pile on the insults. After all the ones I heard