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prince. Freddie Blue finds my crush on Prince X “hilarious to the max.” She won’t be laughing when he takes me to the Zetroc Prom, will she?
    No, she will not.
    See also
Afro; Boarding, Skate.
Boyfriend Race, The
    A race between me and Freddie Blue Anderson, which she does not know she is running, to be the first to possess true boyfriend-dom.
    She would die and/or kill me if she knew. AND then she’d win because when you have long legs like she does, you can run pretty fast. Really, my only chance of winning comes from her not knowing that she’s playing.
    Whose dumb idea was this anyway?
    Oh, right.
Boys We Wouldn’t Touch with a Ten-Foot Pole List
    Freddie Blue and I have agreed that any boy who is not actively on our Crush Lists is automatically on our Boys We Wouldn’t Touch with a Ten-Foot Pole List, which is not actually written down, it just exists in our heads.
    If there was a prize for most disgusting boy ever, all the boys in our class would be winning. One of these days, one of them will fart their way to the top. His farts will be used to propel him in a giant weather balloon into outer space, and no one will miss him even slightly, except maybe his parents.
Bra
    An undergarment used to support breasts if you have them, or to invite bullying if you don’t.
    Freddie Blue gets her bra strap pulled constantly, which is so far beyond rude, I can’t even classify it. What’s worse is having the bullies reach for your bra strap and finding nothing there.
    I may just buy a bra and stuff it with Play-Doh. I’ve heard that this works into fooling people that you have breasts. The Play-Doh sort of sticks, so you don’t accidentally drop your (fake) boob out of the bottom of your shirt at an inopportune moment. 35 I’m not sure that the smell wouldn’t give it away, though.
    Sometimes I write things that are so embarrassing that even my fingers blush and wish they could run away to a forest to hide without the rest of my embarrassing self. I don’t blame them. I’m about ready to do the same.
    See also
Aa; Anderson, Freddie Blue.
Bullies
    People who derive pleasure out of being jerks and saying horrible things to other people. They are probably deeply insecure themselves, but I can’t say that I care too much about a bully’s feelings.
    I have been bullied since the very second I set foot in the schoolyard in kindergarten and Wex Stromson-Funk came running up behind me, lifted me off the ground, and hurled me across the grass like I was a shot put. It knocked the wind out of me and I thought I was going to die right there, with a face full of dirt. He has bullied me relentlessly ever since, like it is my fault that he nearly drowned me in soil. 36 Luckily, he no longer throws me around, but instead makes idiotic comments in a kind of spasmodic reflex whenever I walk by.
    Worse than Wex is Stella Wilson-Rawley, 37 who regularly writes mean things about me on the wall of the basement bathroom with a Sharpie, next to crudely drawn stick figures with large Afros.
    Freddie Blue says I don’t get picked on much anymore because now I’m pretty, but I believe it’s actually because I’m BFFs with Freddie Blue and SHE is pretty. All the boys want to stay on her good side in case she bestows upon them a smile or a handwritten note. She always used to say that Wex like-likes me, which is so funny that I forgot to laugh. Now she admits that he clearly loathes me for unknown reasons, likely to do with his unhappy childhood.
    Stella Wilson-Rawley doesn’t care about being on Freddie Blue’s good side and so is free to stare condescendingly at my hair with reckless abandon, uttering such brilliant wisecracks as “OMG, you could, like, rent space to birds in there for nesting!” Oh, she’s so hilair. If by that, I mean “not even slightly funny and really pretty horrible.”

Camping
    The act of pitching a tent in the