Read The Drought (The hilarious laugh-out loud comedy about dating disasters!) for Free Online Page A

situation not seeing
or talking to her every day. With no contact, I couldn’t shake the
feeling that something was missing, almost like not being able to
remember where you last saw your keys. But no amount of head
scratching and searching under the sofa would remedy this
issue.
    “ I thought
about contacting her but I’m not sure that would be the best thing
to do,” I said.
    “ Too
soon?”
    “ Gut
instinct,” I said. “Plus this text I received from her last
night.”
    I got my phone to read the text
out to Kelly. “You will never find anyone as good as me. I can’t
believe I wasted three years of my life with you. PS – your small
cock never satisfied me.”
    Kelly burst into laughter
again. “I’m sorry, babe,” she managed to say.
    “ Got time for
personal calls, have we, Hilles?” Richard Mussel slapped both hands
on both my shoulders from behind. “Good strong shoulders,” he said
massaging me. “I would have thought you’d have loads to catch up on
after being out of the office for two weeks.”
    “ Yes, Richard,
I was just...” I tried to offer before I got cut off.
    “ How many
times do I have to tell you?” Richard said. “I prefer
Dick.”
    It was bad
enough having to call my boss Mr Mussel, even though he insisted it
was pronounced Moo-Cell. Who was he kidding? His preference to the name
Dick left me with a comical dilemma when you put the two names
together. “Okay, Dick,” I said trying to keep a straight
face.
    “ I need those
sales plans on my desk before midday,” Dick said in his irritating
middle-class monotone twang before dashing off to ruin someone
else’s morning.
    “ Happy New
Year to you too,” I said under my breath. Kelly poked her tongue
out and flipped Dick the finger behind his back as he stomped off
towards the editorial department.
    “ Okay,
Campbell,” I said in my best Dick impersonation. “Pick those phones
up, update those boards. I want to see you driving this business
forward. And will you please refer to me as Dick
Mussel.”
    I insanely typed at the
keyboard and picked the phone up and down during this little
charade. Kelly laughed, but suddenly her expression changed, but I
was too caught up in my improvisation to notice. Then I felt those
hands clamp down on my shoulders for a second time.
    “ Midday,
Hilles. If I don’t have that sales plan on my desk we will need to
have a little chat,” Dick informed me. “And update those
boards.”
    “ Why didn’t
you warn me,” I threw a piece of paper at Kelly as Dick marched
back to his office like a bear with a sore head.
    “ I tried,”
Kelly protested, throwing the piece of screwed up paper back in my
direction with a wink.
    I smiled and got up to update
the boards, grabbing a piece of tissue and wiping away December’s
figures. I reached down for a red board marker and that is when I
saw her. I froze on the spot. At that precise moment, nothing else
mattered. She was a picture of pure unadulterated beauty. An
untarnished image of an angel that would melt the coldest of
hearts. Her black hair swayed like she had stepped out of the
perfect shampoo advertisement, while her dark smouldering eyes
burned a glowing passion inside her.
    “ Dan, close
your mouth,” Kelly whispered. “You’re practically
drooling.”
    I knew Kelly was speaking
because her mouth was moving and words were coming out, but I was
completely transfixed with the vision before me. She wore a white
silk shirt, unbuttoned to the third button, hugging her slim
athletic body. It was tucked into a tight-fitting black skirt that
forced her to take each stride like a catwalk model.
    And then it happened. It might
have only been a split second, but at that precise moment it felt
like an eternity. It was a moment I would later relive over and
over in my head. It was a story I could boast about to the boys
down the local. Hell, I might even tell my grandchildren about this
one day. Because at that moment, as this vision of sex on