topside.”
I waved my hand as if it were no big deal, and headed towards what I hoped was the kitchen. “Don’t apologize. I have a lot to learn about everyday life, I’m sure, and first up for today is figuring out how to scrounge breakfast.”
He stood and joined me. “The food here now is designed to keep for years. It’s either dehydrated or in cans, mostly, though I stored some dry staples like oatmeal and rice.”
“Oatmeal sounds good. Will you teach me how to make it?”
Somehow, Aaron didn’t make me feel stupid as he barely kept me from burning myself. Twice . He also didn’t talk down to me as he explained about putting the sugar in while it’s hot so it’ll all melt together, because if you put it in afterwards it’ll still be gritty. He’s always been a good teacher, and part of me looked forward to learning all kinds of things from him.
My governesses and various keepers and teachers had forbidden me from ever feeling anything sexual, and in a house full of shapeshifters, this didn’t just mean pretending not to be aroused, but staving it off completely. They could even smell sexual curiosity, so I’d trained myself to not let my mind wander even close to that direction.
However, working side by side with Aaron, alone, I had to fully concentrate on the task at hand to keep my body from reacting.
I’d seen people holding hands and even kissing, mostly at parties and dances we held in the ballroom. I’d read Jane Eyre and Wuthering Heights, and a few other books my tutors told me were risqué, though they’d advised I not focus so much on the romance but the writing styles.
Still, I wondered what it would be like for Aaron to kiss me.
Cyrano had held my hand since I turned eighteen, and had given me a chaste kiss on the lips as a hello or goodbye since I turned twenty-one, but he’d never kissed me with passion. We were always chaperoned so he hadn’t had a chance, but I wondered if he’d have wanted to even if there hadn’t been a minder around.
I’d been in a car alone with three men last night, and today I was in this house alone with Aaron. It felt naughty, just standing beside him learning to make oatmeal.
He let me eat half my bowl with casual conversation before he said, “We’re going to have to talk about some difficult subjects today, Soph. Some of them may embarrass you, but I hope you understand it isn’t my goal. I’ll try to make the discussions as easy as possible, but there are things I need to know in order to help us make plans.”
I nodded. “I’m not sure I can skin myself again. Flogging the skin off me hurts, but cutting it away myself? I only managed it because once I started I knew I’d never get another chance. It took me years to gather what was needed to defeat the stupid ankle bracelet.”
“Tell me about the ankle bracelet.”
“I was never sure why father brought someone in to make it for me, but it was designed so I could only turn on the three nights around each of the four calendar points. Since I had to be flogged in order to change , it never made sense, but I suppose it was insurance in case I managed to have a dalliance with the gardener or pool boy, to keep me from escaping.”
“Rumor has it you were never allowed to fly, and you were changed back to human as soon as you turned.”
“Yes. Not allowing a swan to turn four times a year is apparently a horrible ordeal, and is used as punishment for swans, sometimes. I’m told the pain lasts six months — so if you don’t turn on one solstice, you’ll hurt until the next. Same with the equinoxes.”
Aaron nodded. “I’m aware. I’ve seen grown men in the throes of the change for the entire six months, begging for someone to kill them to put them out of their misery.”
I took a breath. “Asking you to flog me is… it’s too much. If you can get me a scalpel or a crafting knife, which is what I used before, I’ll get myself out of my skin.”
Aaron shook his head.
Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni