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whether you will work to make your relationships healthy, whether you will do things that hinder or enhance them.
    Let’s look more closely at the components of the first strand of the DNA of relationships. Encoded in the Adam and Eve story is this relationship truth: You are made for three kinds of relationships—with others, with yourself, and with God. This design feature is true for all of us—whether or not we recognize it and whether or not we act in line with it. It just is. When you map this out, it looks like this:

    Most people understand how they’re in relationship to others. Many people don’t really understand how they’re in relationship to themselves (which is a key problem in making sense of all relationships). And some people don’t want to admit they’re in relationship to God. But they are.

    * YOU ARE MADE FOR THREE KINDS OF RELATIONSHIPS: WITH OTHERS, WITH YOURSELF, AND WITH GOD. *

    As we will see, each of these relationships is not only important, but each is intricately interrelated. If one relationship is out of balance, the others will be affected.
    What’s exciting is that we can unravel the secrets of this DNA code and by doing so discover the answers to our relationship problems.
    You Have a Relationship with Others
You are created for relationships with others. That seems like a no-brainer. We all have relationships—with family, friends, neighbors, coworkers, teammates, and others. What are your relationships like? Are they strong, satisfying, nurturing, respectful, and exciting? Or are they disappointing, strained, distant, painful, and frustrating? You probably have some of both. If you accept the DNA truth that you are made for relationships with others, every chapter in this book will help you build more loving and healthy relationships. It requires a lifetime of necessary but satisfying work.
    Not long ago I was on a plane to San Francisco for a relationship conference. A woman recognized me, introduced herself, and mentioned that she had used some of the videotapes I did some years back. Sarah thanked me for helping her through a difficult time. Expecting to hear a success story, I asked her how the relationship was going now.
    Sarah hesitated, then simply said, “Well, that relationship ended awhile ago.”
    “Sorry to hear that,” I said. “What was the problem?”
    This time she didn’t hesitate: “The problem was him. He didn’t really respect me.”
    “I see,” I responded.
    “I’m in another relationship now. This one’s better.” Sarah laughed. “He’s got problems too, but this one’s better.”
    Sarah’s story is really not that remarkable. And that’s the point. Her situation is a common one, repeated in many lives over and over: “The problem was him .” Sadly, if Sarah doesn’t learn, she’ll soon start blaming the new man in her life for her unhappiness.
    Does this sound at all familiar? Things haven’t changed much through the millennia. It’s the same blame game that Adam and Eve played, pointing to the other person as the source of the problem.
    What about your troubled relationships? Do you hear yourself making similar statements about the other people? Do you see the problems as their fault?
    Most psychologists and counselors recognize this basic relationship truth: It’s never just about the other person. If the problem were always the other person, then we wouldn’t have counselors and therapists. We’d hire a “relationship repairperson” and send him or her over to the other person’s house!
    * IT’S NEVER JUST ABOUT THE OTHER PERSON. *
    I want you to think about this: The problem you have with another person is often a problem you have with yourself. Now, you may be talking back at me, saying, “No, Gary, I have to tell you, this other person really is bad and did me wrong.”
    Maybe so. But I’m guessing that there’s more to it than that. Because usually there is.
    Usually the pain that another person causes you is