âWay in the future!â
âYou think Clair still loves Rebecca?â
âOf course. It takes a lot for a mother to stop loving her child, Feni.â
âYou think Marionâs mother still loves her?â
âIâm sure of it.â
âBefore this Rebecca thing I didnât even think about sex. Now Iâm thinking about it all the time.â
âWell, donât think too hard,â Ma said.
âEverythingâs about sex, though. Rebecca ... Marion ...â
âWell, I canât really speak for Rebecca, because I donât know her. But as for Marion and Bernadette, their relationship is about love, Feni. Marion and Bernadette love each other.â
Ma lay back down beside me. âWhen itâs about love first, thatâs the best way. Thatâs the way you remember it way into old age.â
âItâs so confusing. I mean, I donât like boys so much now. Does that mean I wonât ever like them?â
âTime tells, Feni. And if you donât, thatâs okay too.â
âWould you still love me if I grew up to be gay?â
âOf course.â
âWould you still love me if I came home pregnant like Rebecca?â
âOf course, but that doesnât have to happen. When you think youâre ready for sex, we can talk about safer sex and birth control. Iâll even take you to the clinic. But I hope youâll wait a few years before you fall in love that way. I want you to go to college, Feni, and do well. Youâll have so much time for babies.â
âBut would you still love me?â
âYes, I would still love you.â
âWhat if I came home with a baby and a girlfriend!â
âFeni . . . !â
âJust checking, Ma!â
âJust letâs talk before any kind of sex happens, okay?â
I climbed farther under the covers and smiled. âOkay.â
Ma closed her eyes.
âIs she fat or skinny?â
âI havenât seen her in years.â
âYou think sheâs taller than me?â
âI doubt it. Youâre pretty tall.â
âHer eyes were gray. I remember that. Remember, Grandma said gray-eyed people were evil.â
âYour grandma was full of ideas about people.â
âShe was the greatest.â
âUm-hmm.â
âMa?â
âHmmm . . . ?â
âYou think Grandma would have liked Rebecca staying here?â
âShe would have thought it was different. â
I laughed. âGrandma would be mad. Sheâd sayââI lowered my voice and spoke slowlyââ âNow Catherine, âtaint right! Just âtaint right, you raisinâ my Feni around girls in trouble.â Isnât that what she wouldâve said?â
âYou have her down, all right.â
âShe was the greatest.â
The house creaked in the silence. Maâs breath became steady against my arm.
âMa . . . ?â
âFey, do you know what time it is?â Ma asked sleepily.
âTime to say I love you.â I turned on my side. âGood night.â
Ma laughed sleepily, pulled me closer to her, and sighed.
Seven
ON SUNDAY, MA LEFT EARLY TO MEET REBECCA AT THE airport, and I stayed behind to shovel the slush out of the driveway.
As I shoveled the last of the snow into a small gray pile, the sun came out. Shielding my eyes, I looked out over the street. Seton is a small black Pennsylvanian suburb surrounded by mountains. The Victorian houses stand far apart from each other, and the people who live in them are doctors and lawyers and bankers. A lot of families have kids who get sent away to private schools in the fall. Looking out over the quiet street made me sad all of a sudden. I wondered how many Rebeccas had been sent from here while the rest of us, the ânice kids,â were being sent to Jack and Jill, White Gloves and Manners, and dance schoolâall the places nice kids go to meet other