Read The Darwin Awards 4: Intelligent Design for Free Online Page A

hysterical. I don’t think he expected to last the day,” said the unit leader. They gave him a lift to the nearest ranger station, eighty miles away, where he kissed the ground in gratitude.
    Robert had cheated death once, but that didn’t stop him from tempting fate again.
    In nearby Bishop, he found someone to tow the microbus out of the mud flats. Alas, it had two flat tires and other mechanical problems, so he returned to Bishop for automotive supplies. He snagged another ride into Death Valley, this time with a couple who took an unfamiliar route from the north, and dropped him off at a washout in the road about fifteen miles from the Palm Springs campground.
    His plan was to locate the campground and enlist help fixing his vehicle. He stashed his supplies and began walking. His body was found three days later, without a map, a GPS, or even water. Authorities estimated that he had walked along the road for ten miles before heading into the open desert, seeking water.
     
    Reference: Southampton Echo, UK; Daily Record, Glasgow, UK; www.death-valley.us; Daily Mirror; KCBS

D ARWIN A WARD : T REE H ARD , H EAD E MPTY
    Confirmed by Darwin
     
    17 F EBRUARY 2003, N EW Y ORK
     
     
    A twenty-five-year-old man, long accustomed to annoying neighbors by snowmobiling at high speeds through sleeping streets, finally received his comeuppance—and in the process, a Darwinian nomination—when he drove headfirst into a tree.
    It is not only his reckless speeding through a nighttime residential area that makes him eligible; nor is it merely because he was driving an unregistered, uninsured snowmobile without a helmet while drunk. Although these spectacularly stupid ideas were ultimately responsible for his demise, there is yet another relevant aspect to report.
    Brian was a fireman, a member of the same company dispatched to peel him off the tree, the same organization that preaches snowmobile safety, responds to other gruesome snowmobile accidents, and the very same company that posts an illuminated “helmet safety” notice seven hundred feet from his own home.
    Clearly, while others have been as foolish as Brian in their choice of recreational activities, few have been so uniquely aware of the possible concussions and repercussions prior to making that choice!
     
    Reference: Personal account, AP, buffalonews.com, cable6tv.com
 
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    R EADER C OMMENTS :
     
    “I don’t think a helmet would have helped the last smart cell in his brain escape this one.”
     
    “The only way this could have been better is if he had contrived to hit the same pole that the ‘helmet safety’ sign was posted on….”
     
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D ARWIN A WARD : H ECK ON W HEELS
    Confirmed by Darwin
     
    17 A PRIL 2005, S YRACUSE , I NDIANA
     
     
    Late one night, twenty-six-year-old Joseph was blazing down a road in the Chain O’Lakes district on his Yamaha moped. When he saw flashing lights in his rear-view mirror, well…with the wind whistling in his ears, he apparently concluded that his moped could outrun a police cruiser. This hard-boiled Heck’s Angel revved his engine and roared off.
    The speedometer needle flashed past ten, twenty, and then thirty miles per hour, and within a minute, it was in the red zone at a blinding forty. But no matter how fast Joseph went, he was unable to shake the pursuing police officer from his tail! If only he had a spare JATO!
    The two-stroke engine was buzzing like a hummingbird from the strain of the chase. Perhaps he was thinking, “You’ll never take me alive, copper!” as he sped through the intersection. Whatever his last thoughts may have been, Joseph lost control of his would-be road rocket, crashed into a tree, and died instantly.
     
    Reference: Warsaw Times-Union, wlzq.com, wndu.com

D ARWIN A WARD : S ELF -D EMOLITION D ERBY
    Confirmed by Darwin
     
    S EPTEMBER 2003, M INNESOTA
     
     
    The purpose of a demolition derby is to smash into other cars. Crash, repair, repeat. As a result, in competition,