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how I used to be, and I don’t. My rational thoughts are being overtaken by emotions and I have no idea of what to do.
    Also I seem to be careless of how much time I’m spending away from home. I’m sure the others will have begun to notice my distinct absence. I know Arlo, above all, will have noticed. I am being completely, and utterly reckless. I know the consequences of my actions but yet I still continue on as I am. So far Arlo has not yet sought me out to speak about this, but I know it’s only a matter of time. What if he does whilst I’m with James? How would I explain that away? Honestly, I have no idea of what I am going to say to him when the time comes. What explanation I can provide? I don’t wish to deceive Arlo, but neither can I tell him the truth.
    Truly, I wonder how long I can continue in this way. James is consuming all of me and I’m losing the distinction of who I am or what is right any more.
    I’m standing outside Heaven, having just guided the human - Summer Sophia Davies - through. I have another bring to attend to soon but have some spare time beforehand. I can feel myself being pulled to James, something I am fast becoming used too. But no, I have to stop and start thinking rationally about my situation.
    Instead of immediately going to James as I usually do, I stay where I am and take a moment to clear my thoughts. I glance around my surroundings.
    It’s been so long since I just stood still and looked around the outskirts of Heaven. What a beautiful sight it is. The varying shades of pinks, blues, greens and purples, all blending genially into one another in sparkling enchantment. It makes me wonder whether, if the outside is as lovely as this, just how wonderful it is inside Heaven itself. I imagine it to be glorious. How lucky those humans are who are granted entrance to it.
    For a tiny moment, I begin feel more like myself, how I used to be before all of this. Then my mind immediately slips back to my woe.
    Okay, so what I need to do is divide my time more evenly. It won’t solve my problem, but it will help not to arouse the suspicions of the others if I am at least around them more than I currently have been. I shall go now and see Arlo, spend some time with him. Then later I shall go to James. Easy.
    I arrive to find Arlo with Rosamund. They are both standing amongst the throngs of humans at BC Place Stadium in Vancouver.
    The realisation hits me like a dull thud.
    It’s the Winter Olympics. Arlo and I always watch together and it’s been running for a few days now. I cannot believe I have forgotten this. I never forget anything.
    Arlo will note my absence with curiosity.
    “ Lucyna,” he practically smiles my name, “it’s been some time since I saw you last.”
    And as I look at him, I instantly see him in a whole new light. Never before did I realise how truly beautiful a being he is. My vision was previously dulled by my lack of feelings, but now I’m equipped with them and this been the first time I’ve seen him since it happened.
    “ I know, Arlo. I have been busy. I have been venturing around the globe in search of new and wondrous sights.”
    I just lied.
    Lied.
    Where did that even come from? I didn’t know I was capable of such a thing. I’m covered with shame. I daren’t look at either of them for fear of giving myself away.
    “ I can understand that,” Arlo says nodding. “Rosamund and I have just been watching the wondrous sports on display here.” He casts his arm around.
    “ Hello, Lucyna,” Rosamund says.
    “ Hello, Rosamund,” I reply, in return.
    Arlo turns to me. “I was beginning to think you weren’t going to attend this year.”
    “ I would never miss this,” I answer a little too quickly. I force a smile onto my lips, hoping to be convincing enough. But then, why would Arlo ever have reason not to believe me? He wouldn’t. That very thought sickens me.
    Suddenly, the crowd of humans erupt into cheers as one of the competitors wins a