said nothing; he held the knife at his side, against the leg of his jeans, blade pointing down. He kept squeezing the knifeâs handle.
âShe doesnât know what I know,â my father said, âwhich is that thereâs no reason to be afraid. Itâs just that you walked into the wrong house. Itâs been a long night, and youâre lost.â
My father puffed on his cigarette and said, âWhat you want to do is put that down.â I knew he meant the knife, and was glad he hadnât said the word. âYou wonât need that here,â my father said.
The man raised the knife; he looked at it as if unsure how it came to be in his hand. He blinked a few times, then stepped forward and laid the knife on the coffee table.
âNow what you want to do,â my father said, âis go down two blocks to the pay phone and call someone who can pick you up.â He reached into his pocket and gave the man a dime. âHere you go,â he said. âGood luck getting home.â
The man nodded, put the dime in his pocket, opened the door, and left; he didnât bother taking his knife.
My father didnât rush to lock the door; thatâs what I would have done. He didnât call the police until the next day, and only when my mother insisted.
I came down the stairs and asked them who the man was.
âHe was lost,â my father said.
âWhat did he want?â I said.
âWe live in a sick world,â my mother said.
âEverythingâs fine,â my father said.
âItâs a miracle you wake up alive,â she said.
She started shaking. My father tried to hold her, but she pushed him away as if heâd done something wrong, as if he hadnât just saved us.
The next night, at bedtime, my father asked me if I was afraid to go to sleep; I said yes. âNothing to be ashamed of,â he said. âBut I want you to know something.â He turned his head away to breathe out smoke. âWhen youâre afraid of something,â he said, âit tends to find you.â
I waited for him to say more, but he didnât.
âWhy did he do what you told him to do?â
âThe mindâs powerful,â he said. âI saw him put down that knife, then he did. I saw him leave, then he did.â
âHow do you know God didnât do it?â
âGod did do it,â my father said. âBut where do you think God lives?â
âWhere?â
He tapped my head with his finger. âRight here,â he said.
Â
WE LIVED SURROUNDED by the dead: a mausoleum behind our garage, rows of gravestones as far as you could see. Our house backed up against the cemetery where Harry Houdini was buried. Each Halloween, on the anniversary of his death, dozens of people would gather at his grave and wait for him to rise from the dead or contact them from the other sideâto give them a sign that he still existed somewhere, in some form. When my father told me this, I was both thrilled and terrified that the dead might rise, that resurrection might not be Jesusâ exclusive miracle. My mother, a devout Catholic who believed that magic was sacrilege, told my father to stop filling my head with nonsense.
âLook whoâs talking,â he said.
My father, with a quiet, childlike wonder, saw the world as a strange, magical place; my mother saw the world as a place to fear. My mother carried her cross while my father pointed out how beautiful the wood was. Iâve spent most of my life trying to figure out which one of them was right. Itâs entirely possible, of course, that they both were.
But for a while my father won.
His name was Glen Dale Newborn, and we lived in Glendale, Queens, and so I believed that the neighborhood had been named for him. I believed, too, when I was a boy, that Glendale was the entire world, that there was nothing else, so the world had been named for my father.
My motherâs name is Rose,