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and has everyone share a “thankful,” which means something simple like a good grade or a sunny day. Often her two boys have three or four thankfuls to share. In cases where they are especially glum and can’t think of any, she will do a round of “unthankfuls,” but she refuses to leave it at that. “I start asking them: Do you have a roof over your head? Do you have food to eat? Do you have a family that loves you? They quickly get the point. As a breast cancer survivor, I often give thanks for health.” Sometimes kids need both a good model, and a pointed prompt.
    Conversation Basket
    This was a real help in getting fun conversations going at my house. I decorated a small basket with ribbons and bought beads with letters on them. I spelled out the word talk and strung it on three ribbons, and then attached them across the handle of the basket, so they dangled down. When the basket is placed on the table at dinner, the ribbons ripple and sway, so it seems as if they are speaking the words to us, inviting us: “Talk, talk, talk” they say.
    I cut pastel-colored paper into strips about two inches wide and wrote fifty different comments, questions, or instructions on them. Then I folded each one and piled them all in the basket, so we could take turns at dinner picking one. Often, we all wanted to respond to the query one person got, so we would each chime in on such questions as: “If a holiday were named after you, how would people celebrate?” and “Make up a nickname for everyone at the table, including yourself (nothing mean).” Another favorite was: “Tell us something you can do better than your parents.”
    There are many variations on this ritual: decide if you want to do this every night, every other night, or once a week.
    One thing we learned is the importance of refreshing the questions. We would take out the papers we had just chosen and keep them in a kitchen drawer for a while. Always keep blank papers and some pencils in the basket, and invite family members to add their own questions. Kids who can’t read or write yet will love this tradition, too, though they will need someone to help them with their contributions.
Sampling of Dinner-Table Conversation Starters
What would your personal robot do for you?
What can you do now that you couldn’t do a year ago?
What scares you?
What is your favorite movie pet?
Which character in Lord of the Rings (insert favorite movie or book) is most like you?
Describe your dream house.
What do you like to smell?
What cheers you up when you are sad?
What is the best game ever invented?
If you could have dinner with any person in history, who would it be?
What or who makes you laugh?
Tell us about a dream you remember.
You just won the lottery—$1 million a year for life. What will change in your life? What will stay the same?
What is the single best thing about you?
How would you make the world better?
What do you love enough to save for your own children?
If you could relive any day of your life, which day would it be?
What bad habit do you wish you could break?
What stories do they tell about you as a baby?
What was the worst day of your life?
What is your definition of friendship?
If you could possess a talent or gift that you weren’t born with, what would it be?
Who inspires you?
(See the rest of this list in Appendix 1 at the end of the book.)
    Family Feast at 4:00 PM
    Marla Michele Must is a mother with three kids, and for her family, the best time to eat the big meal of the day happens to be at 4:00 PM, after school and before rushing around to various activities. “Later, they have ice skating or martial arts, or whatever, and it’s too hectic to sit down and eat a real meal at 6:00 PM or 7:00 PM. I realized they were starving when they come home from school, so why have them load up on snacks that are a waste of calories? Instead, at that point, we all sit down together and eat something healthy. Each of us has to share one thing that was unique or