Rubenâs house, they turned again and walked to Deborahâs house. Squirrel was asleep. Outside Deborahâs house he cried again. Ruben picked him up and rocked him in her arms. The little girls climbed out of their stroller and ran up on the porch in the dark. Rubenâs knees hurt with cold and tiredness. Her breasts hurt. Can I nurse him in the street, standing up?
âDoctor, doctor, I have frostbitten nipples! Come inside.
âIâd never get going again. She nursed him, standing, in the street.
Â
âWhen is the test? Emma asked, at every class. When will I get my equivalency?
The others were afraid of the test and shushed Emma.
âI keep coming, said Emma. Iâve come every time. Now I want to take the test.
Ruben kept changing the subject. When she talked on the phone to Deborah, she told her about Emma.
âSo?
âSo what?
âSo schedule her for the test.
âHow can she? None of the others are taking it yet. She couldnât possibly pass it.
âSo?
âWhat do you mean, so? It would be irresponsible.
âDo what she wants, said Deborah.
It was a way of looking at things, it had nothing to do with Emma. It made Ruben angry. Sheâll fail, said Ruben. Everybody will think Iâm a bad teacher.
âOh, is that it?
âNo, said Ruben. Sheâll be unhappy when she fails it. Sheâll blame me.
âToby, I canât think about that. Iâm four centimeters dilated. I havenât slept in a week.
âMaybe you should stop teaching.
âOh, I bring magazines and read to them.
âNot really, said Ruben, who spent hours late at night planning lessons.
âSomewhat really, said Deborah.
âWhat do you think Deborah meant? she said to Harry, but Harry didnât care. They were in bed. Heâd learned not to touch her breasts, which were just kitchen appliances these days, so he ran his fingers through her pubic hair and began to touch her inside. What did Deborah mean? she said again, but for the first time since sheâd had Squirrel, she liked the feeling, she wasnât just giving herself lectures about it.
When Deborah had to go have her baby, Jeremiah showed up on Rubenâs porch with the little girls. She had seen him only once before.
âDo we have one of those friendships with husbands? she and Deborah had said to each other. But Jeremiah was nice, and Harry was nice, and once they had all stood on a corner in the windâstrollers, husbandsâand talked. Now Jeremiah, a short man, glittery-eyed from fucking to work songs or for some other reason, stood and laughed on the porch because his wife was having a baby quite soon, two weeks early, and Ruben gathered the little girls into her house and talked to him shyly through the partly opened door. It was windy.
âQuick or slow? Ruben asked, through the doorway. What do you think?
âQuick or slow what? said Jeremiah, and she felt herself blush as if heâd caught her in a double entendre, when all she meant was labor. The birth.
âOh, quick, surely.
âBetter hurry then, which was also embarrassing, as if she was throwing him out.
This strange husband smiled and stood. Jill had breakfast, he said, but Rose wouldnât. It was early in the morning. Harry was still asleep.
âIâll feed her.
âShe likesâ
âI know what she likes. Grilled cheese sandwich. Butter on the outside. Cut into strips. Handled till itâs gray. She wanted him to know that she knew.
Harry met her, carrying Squirrel. Didnât Deborah have friends before you?
âI donât mind! Ruben was proud to be the one.
âI didnât mean it that way. I was curious.
âHer other friends are boring.
She baby-sat perfectly. Harry left, Squirrel napped, and she made cookies with the little girls, letting the rug stay dirty. She lifted the heavy daughters onto her kitchen chairs, saying in a perfectly casual, adult