Read The Between Years for Free Online

crib, I crawled into bed and Randy scooted up behind me. His hand covered mine and we stared up at the ceiling, silent. We didn't make love that night, thanks in part to our exhaustion, but because we seemed to have found a peaceful place, a special bond that drew us closer together. We were the parents of a marvelous little boy and no one could take that away from us.

    Kenny didn't cry. Randy and I were trained in the routine of abandoning our sleep around 2:00 am each night for a feeding and diaper change. Normally, Randy was eager to hop out of bed and tend to his son, but I wouldn't let him do it for almost a week after I caught them asleep in the rocking chair. On one hand, I wanted Randy to get some rest, but deep down, I wanted my chance to bond with my son.

    What mattered most to me was Randy's changed attitude towards Kenny. While he never seemed bitter before, resentful wasn't a big stretch, and the complete U-turn he took astonished me. I still crack it up to that moment in the hospital when Randy held Kenny for the first time. The bond started there and they were inseparable ever since. I used to kid with Randy that on Kenny's first day of Montessori school, I wasn't sure who would cry harder when Randy left for work.

    For the first few months, everything was perfect for our little family. I thought of asking Randy if we could try and make our little Martha in the very near future, but I wouldn't press my luck. I wanted to make sure we could handle being the parents of one child first, but I realized more and more that we were making out just fine. We never argued over how an issue should be handled and everything felt natural. I went back to work within a month, and I hadn't realized how much I'd missed teaching.

    But I learned the hard way that not all wonderful things are destined to stay that way. Though I sometimes wonder how our lives would have been different had Kenny never been born, I also wonder how they would have been different if not for a freak snowstorm the first week of October.

CHAPTER 6
    Randy fished the key from his pocket and touched it to the lock, but it fidgeted first. It slid in halfway then became stuck, and he had to force it in the second half. When he turned the lock, he felt like he was trying to push a boulder over.

    The rusty knob grinded when he turned it and the door was jammed, so he set his duffel bag down to shoulder the door open. A musty smell filled his nostrils the moment he stepped inside, forcing a cough. He left the door open a moment to let some cool air seep in, since he feared he would grow dizzy from stale air.

    The duffel bag thunked when he dropped it onto the floor. He kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes, stretched, and basked in the relief. His jacket felt too constricting, so he shed it off, and it too went the way of the duffel bag. Then he threw his hands over his face. The point of no return had been crossed and he couldn't scramble back to his old life now if he wanted to.

    Regret had consumed him before he stomped out the door, and it tried to bind his hands when he fired up the engine to his Chrysler Intrepid. Worse still, he felt lost, out of his element. Acting out of rage had never been his style, he knew that much, which was why he couldn't understand why his blood had boiled for hours, and the urge to gnash his teeth hadn't died.

    Certainly, Carol wasn't that unreasonable, he thought. They'd been married for nearly five years, and he thought he'd mastered her every intricacy, but how she'd changed in the last six months astonished him. He swore he wasn't married to the same woman anymore. Disagreements used to be handled peacefully, with respect and reason, but now even the slightest dissent devolved into a fight. He thought their life together had been happier in university, and the beginning of their marriage, and he doubted he could withstand such misery forever.

    Randy reflected on the woman Carol had been. Ten years ago, he remembered