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association
    archy she told me
    it is merely a plutonic
    attachment
    and the thing can be
    believed for the tom
    looks like one of pluto s demons
    it is a theatre trunk
    archy mehitabel told me
    and tom is an old theatre cat
    he has given his life
    to the theatre
    he claims that richard
    mansfield once
    kicked him out of the way
    and then cried because
    he had done it and
    petted him
    and at another time
    he says in a case
    of emergency
    he played a bloodhound
    in a production of
    uncle tom s cabin
    the stage is not what it
    used to be tom says
    he puts his front paw
    on his breast and says
    they don t have it any more
    they don t have it here
    the old troupers are gone
    there s nobody can troupe
    any more
    they are all amateurs nowadays
    they haven t got it
    here
    there are only
    five or six of us oldtime
    troupers left
    this generation does not know
    what stage presence is
    personality is what they lack
    personality
    where would they get
    the training my old friends
    got in the stock companies
    i knew mr booth very well
    says tom
    and a law should be passed
    preventing anybody else
    from ever playing
    in any play he ever
    played in
    there was a trouper for you
    i used to sit on his knee
    and purr when i was
    a kitten he used to tell me
    how much he valued my opinion
    finish is what they lack
    finish
    and they haven t got it
    here
    and again he laid his paw
    on his breast
    i remember mr daly very
    well too
    i was with mr daly s company
    for several years
    there was art for you
    there was team work
    there was direction
    they knew the theatre
    and they all had it
    here
    for two years mr daly
    would not ring up the curtain
    unless i was in the
    prompter s box
    they are amateurs nowadays
    rank amateurs all of them
    for two seasons i played
    the dog in joseph
    jefferson s rip van winkle
    it is true i never came
    on the stage
    but he knew i was just off
    and it helped him
    i would like to see
    one of your modern
    theatre cats
    act a dog so well
    that it would convince
    a trouper like jo jefferson
    but they haven t got it
    nowadays
    they haven t got it
    here
    jo jefferson had it he had it
    here
    i come of a long line
    of theatre cats
    my grandfather
    was with forrest
    he had it he was a real trouper
    my grandfather said
    he had a voice
    that used to shake
    the ferryboats
    on the north river
    once he lost his beard
    and my grandfather
    dropped from the
    fly gallery and landed
    under his chin
    and played his beard
    for the rest of the act
    you don t see any theatre
    cats that could do that
    nowadays
    they haven t got it they
    haven t got it
    here
    once i played the owl
    in modjeska s production
    of macbeth
    i sat above the castle gate
    in the murder scene
    and made my yellow
    eyes shine through the dusk
    like an owl s eyes

    mehitabel he says –
    modjeska was a real
    trouper she knew how to pick
    her support i would like
    to see any of these modern
    theatre cats play the owl s eyes
    to modjeska s lady macbeth
    but they haven t got it nowadays
    they haven t got it
    here
    mehitabel he says
    both our professions
    are being ruined
    by amateurs
    archy

ghosts
    you want to know
    whether i believe in ghosts
    of course i do not believe in them
    if you had known
    as many of them as i have
    you would not
    believe in them either
    perhaps i have been
    unfortunate in my acquaintance
    but the ones i have known
    have been a bad lot
    no one could believe in them
    after being acquainted with them
    a short time
    it is true that i have met
    them under peculiar
    circumstances
    that is while they
    were migrating into the
    bodies of what human beings
    consider a lower order
    of creatures
    before i became a cockroach
    i was a free verse poet
    one of the pioneers of the artless art
    and my punishment for that
    was to have my soul
    enter the body of a cockroach
    the ghosts i have known
    were the ghosts of persons
    who were waiting for a vacant
    body to get into
    they knew they were going
    to transmigrate into the bodies of
    lizards lice bats snakes
    worms