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wasn’t too surprised when Imogene got all excited about that.
    â€œYou mean they tied him up and put him in a feedbox?” she said. “Where was the Child Welfare?”
    The Child Welfare was always checking up on the Herdmans. I’ll bet if the Child Welfare had ever found Gladys all tied up in a bureau drawer they would have done something about it.
    â€œAnd, lo, the Angel of the Lord came upon them,” Mother went on, “and the glory of the Lord shone round about them, and—”
    â€œShazam!” Gladys yelled, flinging her arms out and smacking the kid next to her.
    â€œWhat?” Mother said. Mother never read “Amazing Comics.”
    â€œOut of the black night with horrible vengeance, the Mighty Marvo—”
    â€œI don’t know what you’re talking about, Gladys,” Mother said. “This is the Angel of the Lord who comes to the shepherds in the fields, and—”
    â€œOut of nowhere, right?” Gladys said. “In the black night, right?”
    â€œWell . . .” Mother looked unhappy. “In a way.”
    So Gladys sat back down, looking very satisfied, as if this was at least one part of the Christmas story that made sense to her.
    â€œNow when Jesus was born in Bethlehem of Judaea,” Mother went on reading, “behold there came Wise Men from the East to Jerusalem, saying—”
    â€œThat’s you, Leroy,” Ralph said, “and Claude and Ollie. So pay attention.”
    â€œWhat does it mean, Wise Men?” Ollie wanted to know. “Were they like schoolteachers?”
    â€œNo, dumbbell,” Claude said. “It means like President of the United States.”
    Mother looked surprised, and a little pleased—like she did when Charlie finally learned the times tables up to five. “Why, that’s very close, Claude,” she said. “Actually, they were kings.”
    â€œWell, it’s about time,” Imogene muttered. “Maybe they’ll tell the innkeeper where to get off, and get the baby out of the barn.”
    â€œThey saw the young child with Mary, his mother, and fell down and worshipped him, and presented unto him gifts: gold, and frankincense, and myrrh.”
    â€œWhat’s that stuff?” Leroy wanted to know.
    â€œPrecious oils,” Mother said, “and fragrant resins.”
    â€œOil!” Imogene hollered. “What kind of a cheap king hands out oil for a present? You get better presents from the firemen!”
    Sometimes the Herdmans got Christmas presents at the Firemen’s Party, but the Santa Claus always had to feel all around the packages to be sure they weren’t getting bows and arrows or dart guns or anything like that. Imogene usually got sewing cards or jigsaw puzzles and she never liked them, but I guess she figured they were better than oil.
    Then we came to King Herod, and the Herdmans never heard of him either, so Mother had to explain that it was Herod who sent the Wise Men to find the baby Jesus.
    â€œWas it him that sent the crummy presents?” Ollie wanted to know, and Mother said it was worse than that—he planned to have the baby Jesus put to death.
    â€œMy God!” Imogene said. “He just got born and already they’re out to kill him!”
    The Herdmans wanted to know all about Herod—what he looked like, and how rich he was, and whether he fought wars with people.
    â€œHe must have been the main king,” Claude said, “if he could make the other three do what he wanted them to.”
    â€œIf I was a king,” Leroy said, “I wouldn’t let some other king push me around.”
    â€œYou couldn’t help it if he was the main king.”
    â€œI’d go be king somewhere else.”
    They were really interested in Herod, and I figured they liked him. He was so mean he could have been their ancestor—Herod Herdman. But I was wrong.
    â€œWho’s going to be Herod in