hand. âWhy is it a compliment to tell somebody it doesnât matter who they are?â
We were told to find a hobby. There were a million choices and we tried them all: sports and crafts and art and music. There was so much to do. Every day there was some kind of program and then there were chores and then we had to study for class. No wonder we forgot stuff. We were told that forgetting was natural. Forgetting helped us survive, Jodi told us in Life Skills class, tears in her eyes. She cried as easily as Max. She was more like a kid sister than a counselor. Everybody wanted Jodi to be okay. âYouâll always be reminded,â she said in her hoarse, heroic voice. âYouâll always have your Parent Figures. Itâs okay to be sad! But remember, you have each other now. Itâs the most special bond in the world.â
Cee raised her hand. âWhat if we donât want us?â
Cee raised her hand, but of course she raised her hand. She was
Cee.
She was Cee, sheâd always been Cee, do you see what I mean? I mean she was like that right from the day we arrived; she was brash, messy Cee
before
the night in the bathroom, before she supposedly puked out her bug. I couldnât see any difference.
I could not see any difference.
So of course I had second thoughts. I wished so bad I hadnât flushed the toilet. What if there wasnât anything in it? What if somebodyâd dropped a piece of jewelry in there, some necklace or brooch, and I thought it was a bug? That could have happened. Camp was so fun. Shaving my legs for the mixer. Wearing red shoes. We were all so lucky. Camp was the best thing ever.
Every Child at Camp!
That was the government slogan:
ECAC.
Cee used to make this gag face whenever she said it.
ECAC.
Ick. Sick.
Â
She took me into the forest. It was a mixer. Everybody else was crowded around the picnic tables. The lake was flat and scummy and the sun was just going down, clouds of biting insects golden in the haze.
âCome on,â Cee said, âletâs get out of here.â
We walked over the sodden sand into the weeds. A couple of the counselors watched us go: I saw Hunky Duncan look at us with his binoculars, but because we were just two girls they didnât care. It only mattered if you left the mixer with a boy. Then you had to stop at the Self-Care Stand for condoms and an injection, because
becoming a parent is a serious decision!
Duncan lowered his binoculars, and we stepped across the rocks and into the trees.
âThis is cool!â Cee whispered.
I didnât really think it was coolâit was weird and sticky in there, and sort of dark, and the weeds kept tickling my legsâbut I went farther because of Cee. Itâs hard to explain this thing she had: she was like an event just about to happen and you didnât want to miss it. I didnât want to, anyway. It was so dark we had to hold hands after a while. Cee walked in front of me, pushing branches out of the way, making loud crackling sounds, sometimes kicking to break through the bushes. Her laugh sounded close, like we were trapped in the basement at Luluâs. Thatâs what it was like, like being trapped in this amazing place where everything was magically half-price. I was so excited and then horrified because suddenly I had to take a dump, there was no way I could hold it in.
âWait a sec,â I told Cee, too embarrassed to even tell her to go away. I crouched down and went and wiped myself on the leaves, and Iâm sure Cee knew what was up but she took my hand again right after I was done. She took my disgusting hand. I felt like I wanted to die, and at the same time I was floating. We kept going until we stumbled into a clearing in the woods. Stars above us in a perfect circle.
âWoo-hooooo!â
Cee hollered. âFuck you, Neighbor!â
She gave the stars the finger. The silhouette of her hand stood out against the bright. I gave the stars