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guess I will miss her...
     

Day 28
    I have a room now. After Doc gave me instructions on how to use my ointment and what the pills they would give me along with my food were, I was ready to leave.
    My heart beats almost as fast as those times they had brought me to the cage. This time, however, it was from excitement. This man, who had visited me days before, had told me that I would get my own room with my own stuff and he kept his word: it’s a room.
    Completely clinical white, no metal, everything is made out of white plastic or transparent one. No pictures, but two shelves for my now three books and my diary. They look quite empty, but there is room for more, telling me without words that there is room for more rewards.
    I’m sure giving me nothing but these few books and my diary is some sort of training. If I am a nice obedient girl, I will get more.
    I mean, I won’t complain. This is far better than my cell. I have furniture, a closet and a bathroom, a real bathroom with a basin and a large mirror and a shower.
    Well, in this closet, it’s not my own clothes, but light-blue training pants and shirts of the same color or white, two pairs of white sneakers, and lots of white socks, and white underwear. Nothing special, sportive.
    They want to make me feel comfortable and yet won’t give me the illusion of safety.
    As if I would forget to behave, and be a nice girl. As if I would forget that they would get “rid of me”.
     
    I have a bed which is made of – wait for it – white wood, and the mattress is really comfy, just like the one in my medical room. I have a small table with two chairs. Meaning I will get visitors, because I doubt that it is made for my feet.
     
    The first meal in my new room was Lunch, with pills, as promised... After that, nothing happened. I tried to read, but I felt like crawling up those crazy white walls. It’s no better than the medical room, when I don’t have anything to distract myself. And I keep remembering. That he felt so human. I wonder what happened. I mean, he was human first and then... something else. He had changed. Something had triggered that change. I don’t think that he wanted to hurt me. But I’m still scared to meet him again.
    There is someone at my door.
     
    They took me to the gym and a note told me I should take it slowly, carefully, just working on stamina and not strength. I think that it was at least an hour they gave me. I worked out carefully.
     
    That’s it. Nothing more today.

Day 29
    My stomach still hurts, but it’s getting better. They are still giving me pills along with my meals, just as promised. More than I expected, honestly. Of course I’m reluctantly taking them. Who knows what kind of pills they are, but then again, who knows what they put in my food? Why should the Doc lie to me about pills if they could simply put something in my food or water? I shouldn’t think about that. I get paranoid if I do that.
     
    It’s late. Just a normal ‘Beast-free’ day, apart from having a room all for myself that makes me not feel like a political prisoner, but rather a mental clinic patient.
    It’s not only the room; it’s the clothes as well, obviously. Everything reeks of freshness and chemicals.
    I shouldn’t feel so used to this. Maybe they have drugged me so that I don’t freak out? Or it’s just that... life feels so pressure free: I eat, workout, read and sleep. I don’t have to worry about money or grades or people. I like being alone, and I always have.
    Now I am even supposed to.
    They are taking me...
     
    I don’t know if I can write down what happened. I mean... I wanted this diary to keep myself sane. I have no one to talk to, no one to share my experiences with.
    Well, I don’t want to talk to them, freaking voyeurs.
    White, that’s how I am calling that smug guy, who seems to be one of those whose words are law, and the one who told me that I would get a new room, walked with me this time. I am just calling him