Read The Audience for Free Online Page B

Majesty to consider just to get things back where they belong … approval-wise.
     
    Elizabeth If the Crown pays inheritance tax, that makes us like everyone else. And we’re
not
like everyone else. That’s the point of us.
     
    Major Very well. Opening up Buckingham Palace.
     
    Elizabeth To what?
     
    Major People.
     
    Elizabeth
People
?
     
    Major It would give them a chance to share in the legacy. Make them feel like they know you.
     
    Elizabeth I don’t
wish
to be known.
     
    Major All right. And
Britannia
. The Royal Yacht.
     
    Elizabeth What about it? You don’t want people traipsing round
her
too?
     
    Major No.
     
He braces himself, then:
     
    I’m suggesting she’s taken out of service.
     
    Elizabeth (
quiet
) Never!
     
    Major I’m aware this is a sensitive matter …
     
    Elizabeth That yacht means everything to me. She was launched the year I was crowned. She’s been the one constant in my life. Commissioned by my father.
     
    Major These are difficult times economically.
     
    Elizabeth Forty thousand miles I travelled on
one
tour alone
– in service to this country. Five American Presidents have stayed aboard her. She has taken us to the remotest corners, and helped hold together the Commonwealth. That yacht is my refuge. The one place I feel at home.
     
    Major But the costs …
     
    Elizabeth What costs?
     
    Major Two hundred and sixty sailors, most of them permanent, two dozen bandsmen, red boxes being helicoptered out every day from London at great expense …
     
    Elizabeth Have you ever set foot
inside
of her?
     
    Major No.
     
    Elizabeth When you do, I suggest the one thing that will strike you will be her modesty. (
Rising indignation
.) Enough now. Enough. This family gives every minute of every day in service to the British people and do you see me complain? Never. Serving this country is my duty and my privilege. But every now and then I must be allowed to draw the line. I am the Crown, after all …
     
    Major Yes, Ma’am.
     
The Equerry enters, having heard raised voices.
     
    Elizabeth You’d do well to reflect on that – on
who
I am and
how
I got here. It’s
God’s will
, understand?
     
    Equerry Running a temperature, Ma’am.
     
    Elizabeth (
raising voice
) And
He’s
not telling us to give up
Britannia
.
     
    Equerry Open wide …
     
The Equerry delicately puts the thermometer in the Queen’s mouth in an attempt to silence her.
     
    I’m sorry, Prime Minister, we must leave it there.
     
    Major Of course.
     
He politely gets to his feet, excusing himself.
     
    Elizabeth Make up your minds what you
all
want from us!! That’s all we ask!
     
Major goes.
     
    (
Calling after him
) Just make up your minds!!
     
The Equerry soothes her.
     
    Equerry Nice and still for one minute.
     
    Elizabeth (
snaps
) Oh, for goodness sake.
     
The Equerry goes. Young Elizabeth walks on. The Queen looks up, and double-takes.
     
    (
Speaking through thermometer
.) What
have
you done?
     
It’s a shocking sight. Young Elizabeth is covered in dark liquid. Her hair is matted.
     
    Young Elizabeth I poured ink over my head.
     
    Elizabeth Why?
     
    Young Elizabeth She’s just so awful. I wanted her
out
.
     
    Elizabeth Who?
     
    Young Elizabeth The French Mademoiselle.
     
    Elizabeth What did she do?
     
    Young Elizabeth Made me copy things out again and again. Like a slave. And shouted at me. I complained about her to Mummy, but she didn’t listen. So I did this. And screamed. (
A beat
.) You know, my piercing scream?
     
    Elizabeth I know the one.
     
    Young Elizabeth I kept it up for half an hour. Getting louder and louder. And it worked. She’s run away.
     
    Elizabeth What happens if the next one isn’t nice?
     
    Young Elizabeth I’ll get rid of her, too.
     
    Elizabeth Good for you.
     
Her expression toughens.
     
    Sometimes one just has to draw the line.
     
Blackout.
     
End of Act One.
     
     

Act Two
     
    The Equerry walks out on an empty, darkened stage.
    Equerry Every