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difference between being the life of the party and being the ill-bespoken boor. The ability to engage others in winning conversation is an indispensable one and one of the keys to social and professional success. These guidelines, and continual practice, will have you on your way to becoming a master conversationalist.
    The Don’ts
    Don’t continually look around the room as you have a conversation with someone. You may simply be curious about who is coming and going, but it will appear that you are not interested in the present conversation and are looking for someone else with whom to converse.
    Don’t continually glance at your watch or fidget. Don’t appear to be bored while engaged in a conversation.
    Figure 1.18 Don’t continually glance at your watch or fidget. Don’t appear to be bored while engaged in a conversation.

    Don’t speak with only one person when mingling with a group. This will leave the others in the group standing there awkwardly. Engage each person with eye contact and questions.
    Don’t assume you are on the same page as a person you have just met when it comes to weighty issues. You should avoid issuing statements laden with value judgments. For example, don’t say, “Isn’t it wonderful that so-and-so won the election,” without knowing the person’s political sympathies.
    Don’t engage in gossip. If others do, always defend the person being spoken of.
    Don’t engage in one-upping or bragging. The latter is especially important if you are much better-off than the person with which you speak. The man who is a poor graduate student does not want to hear every detail of your luxury cruise to Rio de Janeiro.
    Don’t talk about inside jokes or “remember whens.” If you find yourself in a group which consists of a close friend and new acquaintances, do not alienate the latter by engaging your friend on conversation topics with which the others have no understanding and nothing to add.
    Don’t use profanity. Some people don’t mind. Some do. Better to stay on the safe side and come off as a polished gentleman.
    Don’t bore people with topics of conversation that are marginally interesting to the general public. You may find the intricacies of molecular biology to be quite scintillating, but most people do not.
    Don’t fill your conversation with complaints and criticism. No one wants to hang out with a grumbletonian . The man who issues a constant stream of negativity will be avoided.
    Don’t intentionally use big words. Dropping “opprobrium” into conservation doesn’t make you sound smart; it makes you sound pretentious. If you’re intelligent, it will shine though in what you say without the artificial garnishes.
    Don’t relate intensely personal stories to new acquaintances, otherwise known as the over-share. You may think that such unburdening will create a faster bond, but it will more likely make the other person feel awkward.
    Don’t speak on controversial topics. Don’t bring up subjects which are bound to cause contention. If others do, don’t engage them and create a tense dispute.
    Don’t monopolize the conversation. Don’t hold the floor for more than a few minutes at a time. Let others have their turn.
    The Dos
    Do make the person feel as though they are the most important person in the room. Lock into the conversation with great interest. Keep steady, but non-creepy eye contact, nod your head, listen intently and add hmmmms and ahhhhs when appropriate.
    Do ask the person questions. Avoid talking about yourself too much. People like those who seem genuinely curious about their lives and interests.
    Do allow an opening for the person to move on and mingle with others if they wish. You don’t want to make someone feel trapped in conversation with you.
    Do always keep an arsenal of entertaining stories at your disposal. When an awkward silence arises, don’t make it worse by standing there staring into your cup. Be prepared with a myriad of topics with which