with the nonhuman world. Nature, animals, art, music, movement and exercise, dance, drama, literature, ideas, concepts, symbolism, science, mathematics, philosophy, and spirituality resonate very profoundly for my fellow empathsâand their empathic abilities help them develop not just talent in their chosen interests, but also intensive relationships with their interests. For an empath, playing music, for instance, is not just a physical act of hitting the right notes in the right order with the right intonation; rather, the musical experience is a fully embodied, fully emotive interaction between the empath and the art form.
Weâll return to this process of empathic embodiment and deep aesthetic engagement throughout this book, because for empaths, these full-bodied, sensual interactions with nonhuman entities can be vital healing activities. In a hectic world filled with the unmet (and often disowned) emotional needs of others, empaths can attain deep relaxation, restoration, and rejuvenation by focusing their full-bodied empathic abilities on art, nature, music, animals, intellectual pursuits, ideas, and interactions with other nonhuman entities. Nearly all current definitions of empathy focus on human interactions, but thankfully, the concept of Einfühlung will help us enormously as we learn how to become healthy and balanced empaths in a human social world that is often stunningly unempathic.
For empaths, interaction is food; itâs oxygen; itâs everything. Yet, if we mistakenly think that empathy can only occur in human relationships (and if we canât find enough good and deep relationships), then our empathic capacities can wither on the vine. When empathic people canât find deep andmeaningful interactions, they can sometimes feel out of place in the social world. Unseen. Inappropriate. Unwanted. Too much.
If this form of social dislocation has been your experience, there is a cureâyou can redirect your empathy toward healthy and delightful nonhuman entities, such as art, music, animals, literature, ideas, movement, dance, tactile activities, gardening, building, mathematics, physicsâanything that engages you. A huge part of the art of empathy is to learn to behave empathically toward yourself and to honor your empathic nature, no matter what unempathic or counterempathic shenanigans are occurring in the human social world.
THE SIX ESSENTIAL ASPECTS OF EMPATHY
Empathy is an innate and accessible skill; however, because it operates in the often-hidden interactional world of nuance, gesture, and undercurrent, it can be a somewhat mysterious process. After many decades of helping people balance their empathic skills and increase their emotional awareness, Iâve separated the processes of empathy into six discrete (but interrelated), step-by-step aspects.
Iâve organized empathy in this way for two important reasons. First, I want you to understand empathy as a process that is accessible and malleable (no matter where you currently reside on the empathic continuum). That way, if you have issues with empathy, youâll be able to zero in on your specific area of concern. Second, Iâll be using these six aspects throughout this book to explain the purpose of the empathic skills and practices Iâll be teaching you and to help you learn how to identify your strengths and challenges (and those of your loved ones). Iâll first quickly define my six aspects of empathy before I move into a deeper examination.
1. Emotion Contagion: Before empathy can take place, you need to sense that an emotion is occurring in another or that an emotion is expected of you. There is currently great debate about how Emotion Contagion occurs and how we realize that emotions are required from us, but it is agreed that the process of empathy depends on our capacity to feel and share emotions. Empathy is first and foremost an emotional skill.
2. Empathic Accuracy: 15 This is your