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that.”
    “I’ll talk to you more tomorrow when we have breakfast, okay? And be good and go to bed for Helen.” He blinked away the moisture in his eyes. “I love you, Jacks.”
    “Bye.”
    There was only a slight chance he’d get an “I love you” back, and Carter wished this was one of those times, but Jacks had hung up. With a pang, he ended the call and paid for the cab, then made his way swiftly through the crowded lobby to the elevator bank, holding back the tears he wasn’t sure were for himself or for Jacks. There was little he could do for either of them to make life better.
    Satisfied that Jacks was healthy and as happy as he could be, Carter focused on his upcoming weekend with Reed. He barely noticed the other people sharing the elevator with him; instead he ran over all the things he’d like to do to and with Reed that weekend.
    However, he thought as he swiped his card key at the hotel door lock, nothing could be accomplished until Reed got there and got naked, neither of which could come soon enough for Carter. Like the last time, the maid had done turn-down service, and there were several pieces of chocolate on the pillow. Unlike last month, Carter had requested an upgrade to a small suite, all in the hope that he’d be bringing Reed back here and would need an early morning quiet space to have his breakfast with Jacks. He took a quick glance at the clock on the nightstand by the king-sized bed, and seeing it was only 9:20, he knew most likely Reed wouldn’t be there for several hours.
    Feeling grungy after all his running around, Carter peeled off his clothes, and leaving them in a pile on the floor next to the bed, walked into the bathroom. Some fifteen minutes later, refreshed and naked under the fluffy hotel robe, Carter lay down on the bed and closed his eyes for a nap, but sleep failed to come as it so often did when thoughts of his mother had taken up residence.
    He tossed and turned and even pulled a pillow over his head, but it didn’t help. Nothing ever did. All he could see was himself at fourteen and her face twisted in disgust when she walked into the curtained off part of the living room that was supposed to be his bedroom and found him jerking off to a picture of a boy-band singer. Or how she constantly complained giving birth to him had ruined her life: she could’ve been a model or an actress if only she didn’t get pregnant at fifteen.
    When you grew up believing you were the cause of your mother’s problems, you tried to make yourself invisible and not cause any more trouble for her. All you wanted was for her to love you, and if that meant learning to steal cigarettes for her when she ran out, or remaining home alone at night by yourself even though you were afraid, you did it and never complained. You stayed out late when her boyfriends came over so she could have privacy, sometimes sleeping on the back porch because the men slept over and she didn’t want him in the house at all.
    But it built a fire in your belly that grew into a conflagration, consuming you and burning away any hope as the years went by. Because the other kids knew something you didn’t and snickered behind your back as you walked by. Or stuck notes in your locker saying, Your mother’s a whore .
    And you knew as sure as the fact that you’d never lose your heart, that when you became an adult, you’d never let anyone talk or think about you unless it was in admiration of your accomplishments. He wanted people to fear him when he walked by. To feel his power. He closed his eyes, and sleep finally overtook him.
    Awakening from a dream where Reed had him naked and spread out on the bed, Carter heard knocking at the door, and his heart thumped strongly while adrenaline buzzed through his body. With his robe hanging partially open, he peeked through the peephole, and a grin tugged his lips upward at the sight of a very nervous-looking Reed bouncing on the balls of his feet as was his habit. He’d