to plague me.
Maybe I just can’t love
, I thought as Ryu’s unhappy face kissed away my tears.
“Not your fault,” I murmured to him guiltily as I hid my expression in his neck under cover of gentle bites. He stroked me harder, reaching between us with seekingfingers to precipitate the orgasm that shattered over me moments later. My head fell back with my cries, and Ryu’s fangs found my throat as he came with me. Momentarily quieted by my body’s pleasure, my mind gave me a blessed, if short-lived, respite.
After he’d fed, Ryu stayed inside me. His weight grounded me as I cradled him with my cupped pelvis, enjoying the heavy pressure of his body on mine. It felt as if he were holding me to the earth.
“You taste of sorrow,” Ryu said softly, feathering my lips with kisses.
“I’m sorry,” I murmured, unsure of what else to say.
“It wasn’t an accusation.”
He shifted off me and we went into the bathroom to clean up. As usual I took longer, and when I returned to the bedroom Ryu was cuddled up in bed waiting for me. I yawned as I joined him under the covers.
“Sleep, baby. I’ll be here when you wake.”
My mind was already shutting down, lulled by my body’s demands for rest.
“Thank you, Ryu. For being here.”
I felt his lips brush my eyelids. The last thing I remembered was his purring voice in my ear, telling me that he meant it when he said he’d always be there for me.
I was dreaming of my mother.
She was in front of me, perpetually one step ahead, as I tried to follow her through our house. Her voice echoed, laughing, from the kitchen. But when I crossed the hallway and pushed open the door, she was gone. Then I heard her upstairs, in her bedroom… but, again, by the time I’d thundered up the stairs, the room was empty.
This happened again and again, until finally I saw her pinning laundry on the line that stretched from our small back porch to the back corner of our shabby detached garage. Keeping my eyes on her, for I knew she’d disappear if I so much as blinked, I pushed open the screen door.
I crept forward, wanting so much to reach her. And yet my steps were hesitant, as if I feared what I might find when I turned that Mari-shaped figure around.
And that’s when the buzzing started. Like a fly but louder, echoing through our backyard. And each time it buzzed, something fell away. First the trees that bordered the very back of our lot disappeared, as if they’d fallen into the maw of some world-devouring goddess. Then, with each buzz, the darkness took another bite, until my mother was the only solid thing in front of me and I knew she would be next to fall. In my dream I lunged forward, screaming, as that deathly buzzing reverbrated again…
In reality, I jolted awake as Ryu’s BlackBerry thundered out another loud ring and Ryu finally answered it.
I lay in the bed, my heart pounding, trying to shake off the horror of my dream.
“What do you want?” Ryu said, his voice curt.
“She’s fine,” he responded after a second. Then he listened.
“Well, she’s safe now. I’ve got her.” I kept an ear tuned to his conversation as I peeled the sweaty sheets away from me and glanced at the clock. I’d been asleep only an hour and a half.
“I told you I’d take care of her, and I did. She was sleeping before you woke us up.” I knew Ryu was talking about me, but he didn’t sound concerned. He sounded… smug.
“Why don’t we leave the day after? Fine, tomorrow. Whatever. I’ll be there.” Then he turned off his phone, without saying good-bye.
He smiled when he saw me curled up under the covers, then he joined me.
“Gods, I’ve missed you in my bed,” he said, gathering me close. I was still disoriented by the dream, but I was also confused by Ryu’s telephone conversation.
“I’ve missed your bed, too,” I echoed carefully as I tried to pin down what it was that was bothering me about our present situation.
His lips found mine and his hands