the touch of lips, tongue, and teeth. But my head wasn’t in it. It was like I was watching our entwined bodies from a great distance.
He cleaned my backside, just as thoroughly and gently, before setting aside the washcloth. Cupping his hands, he sluiced water first down my front and then down my back, washing all the soap away. Finally, he lathered his favorite, expensive face wash between his hands to clean away the final evidence of my grief. I shivered; his deft fingers felt more invasive on my face than they had between my legs. When he’d rinsed the soap away, he kissed me very gently, wrapping me up in his arms.
“Better?” he asked.
I buried my face in his chest, unable to respond. I wasn’t sure when or how I would be better, after tonight. I couldn’t imagine what “better” would entail.
“I’ve missed you so much,” he whispered, letting his fingers trail down my spine before he pulled my hips tighter against his. The hot water still ran down our bodies, comforting me with its steady force. I didn’t know if it was fair to Ryu, or if I deserved it, but his arms around me felt good. He was warm, and solid, and I knew that he did care for me. For a moment, I desperately wanted that to be enough.
I lapped at the water running down his chest, moving my mouth across his chest to his flat pink nipple. Stroking my tongue across his smooth flesh, I heard him moan as his hands cupped my bottom.
“That’s it, baby,” he sighed. “Come back to me.”
I raised my lips to his for a kiss before he turned off the water then pulled me from the shower. We dried each other off and I wound my long hair up in a towel before following my lover into the bedroom. Ryu was waiting, standing beside the bed. When I joined him, he pulled the towel from my hair and, ever practical, he draped it to cover the pillows at the top of the bed. I sat down, scooting back toward the center of the bed, and he followed me. Inserting his hands under my hair at the nape of my neck, Ryu fanned its wet, dark length against the white towel as he lowered me down to lie before him.
“Beautiful,” he murmured, coiling a long, black strand in his fingers, which he raised to his lips as his golden eyes met mine. It was lovely, but I felt entirely unmoved. Ryu had a stockpile of such poignant gestures, and after everything that had happened tonight, I felt… past gestures.
Ryu stretched his muscular frame alongside mine, finding my lips with his. He tasted so familiar, so safe, that I nearly started crying again. Ryu’s body was linked in mymemories with so many important moments that feeling him against me was almost like going back in time.
“Stay with me, Jane,” he whispered, kissing my eyelids before moving down my body. And I tried. I wanted, so badly at that moment, to be with him the way he wanted me. To love him the way he expected. I certainly loved what he did to my body, and a moan escaped my lips as he took my nipple between his teeth. But the moan came from far away. I had a bizarre sensation that made me feel, at that moment, less like I was making love to him and more as if I were flipping through an old photo album where I’d once been happy.
I cried out when he pushed my legs apart and licked me with those long, lazy strokes that he knew drove me crazy. But the pleasure was hazy, unfocused, and I bit my own tongue to try to force myself back into my body. He toyed with my clit, bringing me to the verge of climax, again and again, before finally kissing his way back up to my lips. I reached down between us to rub him against me, all the while licking, gently, at his lips. He loved it when I did these things. We played each other’s bodies like maestros, but my heart was stone in my chest.
When he moved inside me, shifting himself to hit all the right spots, I felt a physical pleasure wash over me that only made the void in my chest all the more obvious. Tears came to my eyes as unbidden thoughts sprang forward