Tears for a Tinker

Read Tears for a Tinker for Free Online

Book: Read Tears for a Tinker for Free Online
Authors: Jess Smith
I’ve a splinter in atween yin
o’ ma cloven hooves, and the black mood’s on me.’
    ‘You turn back yer clock, sir, an’ then tell me if ah’ve wasted yer time.’
    Auld Nick cleaned a fish bone out of his jaggy teeth with the point of his forked tail, sat down and pointed a finger upwards. Suddenly Peggy Moore and the cat appeared—scratching,
rolling, screaming, and neither giving way for a moment.
    The Devil laughed and slapped his goat-like thigh. ‘Ye’re richt enough Kelpie, yon’s too guid a wrestling tae let finish, I’ll gi’e the twa o’ them
immortality.’
    So there you have it, folks. I bet there’s many a time you’ve been sauntering about the shore of Loch Ness when the gloaming has come down. I can hear you say to whoever is in your
company, ‘Did ye see the shape o’ thon thing in the water?’ And in turn your friend will say, ‘No, I didn’t, what was it?’ You’ll scan the water and swear
blind something moved along, a great bulk of a thing. But the water calms, and if there was a creature, then it’s gone. You, being certain there was something, hope that somebody else saw
it.
    Next day as you open your morning newspaper there’s a story catches your eye which reads: ‘Last night two American tourists saw the “Loch Ness Monster”. There were
several humps in the water [Peggy’s four bellies]. It had a thick neck and small head [her forearm thrusting upwards and fist thumping into the back of her opponent]. As quickly as it
appeared, it was gone.’ It was just her and her pussy cat fighting their way from the bottom to the top of the loch and down again—readers, that’s all it was.
    ‘But,’ I hear you say, ‘what of her kin, that poor sad pair who worked day and night. What was their explanation for Peggy’s disappearance?’
    Some said that when they saw the trail of blood going from tent to loch, they could only assume she’d been eaten by the wild cat. But with her demise they made a smaller tent, ate more
food and did less work. And became a happy, contented pair, no doubt.

6

    MACDUFF

    T ime to leave Crieff now and head to Macduff, courtesy of my half-cousin John and his wee Morris van. When I think back on how we all got inside
that tiny vehicle I burst into a sweat.
    Mammy had earlier promised she’d pick up cheap bits of furnishings to make the fisherman’s low-roofed cottage habitable for us. That was just as well, because at that stage all our
worldly goods consisted of two bonny bairns, some kitchen utensils, one pair of green cotton bed-sheets, towels, four woollen blankets, a duvet and our clothes. Mine were of no use on account of my
extra weight. I’d put on two extra stone since taking possession of that blasted Be-Ro book. Still, nothing could spoil that day. I remember so well how I felt as we drove off, with Crieff
getting smaller by the mile.
    The boys and I had to make do in the back of the wee van, getting as comfortable as we could. Davie sat in the only seat next to John. Stephen was rolled inside some bath towels that Margaret
had sent down the previous night. Johnnie, full of energy, bounced over everything, excited to be in a Morris van—to him it was a toy to be played with.
    Earlier, an hour before we left, while giving a final dusting to our Crieff house, I said to Davie who was feeding Stephen his bottle, that I was concerned our bairn might not settle on the
journey. I didn’t think to ask Davie what he meant by, ‘Och, this wee fella will sleep all the way there.’ Because that he did!
    When we arrived at Macduff, Mammy was there to greet us with lots of tattie soup, tea and scones. It was after we ate I asked Davie how he had been so sure about Stephen’s long slumber.
‘Oh, I slipped a teaspoon o’ whiskey intae his bottle.’ Now let me say right here and now, if I’d so much as had a whiff of the stuff on my baby’s lips I’d have
swung for his father. But, and this isn’t any excuse, not a

Similar Books

Shoot to Thrill

Nina Bruhns

Dark Matter

Greg Iles

Finding Her Fantasy

Trista Ann Michaels

Short Squeeze

Chris Knopf

Only Human

Candace Blevins

Rickles' Book

Don Rickles and David Ritz

Round Robin

Jennifer Chiaverini