Read Tales From a Hen Weekend for Free Online
Authors: Olivia Ryan
Tags: Fiction, Contemporary Women
‘We’re coming into Dublin, girls!’
‘Yeah!’ chorus Karen and Suze, who sound like they’ve been hitting the white wine already.
‘Yeah, cool!’
‘ Hubblin’, bubblin’ Dublin!’
‘Bloody hell,’ says Lisa, packing her MP3 away in her bag and giving me a quick grin. ‘I feel excited already, and I’m not even the bride!’
‘Bringing back memories?’ I suggest. We went to Edinburgh for her hen weekend. To be honest I don’t remember much about it except for Lisa getting rat-arsed and going on, and on, and on, about how lucky she was to have found Perfect Prick, and how wonderful he was, and how much in love she was, and how wonderful their sex life was, and eventually throwing up at just about the same point that we all felt like it.
‘Your turn now, little sister!’ she says with an unusual gentleness.
My turn to see how pissed I can get in the shortest possible time?
My turn to throw up in the toilets in a city nightclub, stagger home in the early hours wearing a torn, tatty veil, an ‘L’ plate and no shoes, and lie in bed the next day with the worst hangover of my life?
My turn to hang around the necks of my best mates, slop my drink down their clothes, cry and tell them I’ll always love them more than any man?
OK, then; bring it on.
‘Are you ready for this?’ Helen asks me quietly just before the wheels hit the tarmac of Dublin airport with a jolt that makes my backbone shudder.
‘Ouch!’ I wince afterwards. ‘No, I wasn’t!’
But we both know she wasn’t talking about landings.
ABOUT JUDE
We’re booked into a three-star hotel in Temple Bar. We arrive in two taxis, waving and calling out of the windows at any interested or interesting specimens of Irish manhood as we pass.
I’ve called Jude on her mobile, and she’s waiting for us in reception. She looks up as we swing in through the door, alerted by the shrieks and laughter. We catch sight of each other and immediately we’re both legging it across the foyer, grabbing hold of each other by the shoulders, hugging as if we haven’t seen each other for years. It’s only been a few weeks, actually, since she came over for the fitting of the lilac dress.
‘When did you get here? Did you have a good journey?’
‘I did, thanks. How was your flight? Kate, you’re looking well! Are you OK?’
‘I’m fine,’ I assure her. ‘I’ve been looking forward to seeing you.’
‘Me too. God, it’s desperate, I can’t believe you’re all really here!’
‘Christ, Jude – have you been on the booze already? Of course we’re all here!’ I’m laughing as I’m hugging her.
‘But I can’t tell you how pleased I am to see you, Katie – I’ve been looking forward to this for ever, and here we are already…’
‘Get a grip, Jude!’ laughs Lisa, coming to join us. She dumps her suitcase, narrowly missing Jude’s feet, and gives her a hug too. ‘How’re you doing, girl?’ She holds her out at arms’ length and studies her. ‘Not putting on any weight, I hope? There’s no room to let out in those seams, I keep telling Katie…’
‘Sure, Lisa, and there’s more fat on a stick of celery than there is on meself, you should be knowing that. Leave off with your nagging, for the love of God, or we’ll all be scared to touch a drop all weekend, so we will.’
‘I hardly think that’s likely,’ I mutter, watching Karen and Suze weaving their way towards us, arms linked, giggling. ‘Those two got started on the plane!’
They don’t seem to have changed since our university days. Still the good-time party girls – show them a bottle of wine and they’ll have it opened and poured out quicker than you can blink.
‘Good job it’s a once in a lifetime experience, eh?’ says Lisa, smiling at them with the condescension of the big sister who’s had a lifetime of tolerating the immature ways of the younger generation. Despite her superior
‘Yeah!’ chorus Karen and Suze, who sound like they’ve been hitting the white wine already.
‘Yeah, cool!’
‘ Hubblin’, bubblin’ Dublin!’
‘Bloody hell,’ says Lisa, packing her MP3 away in her bag and giving me a quick grin. ‘I feel excited already, and I’m not even the bride!’
‘Bringing back memories?’ I suggest. We went to Edinburgh for her hen weekend. To be honest I don’t remember much about it except for Lisa getting rat-arsed and going on, and on, and on, about how lucky she was to have found Perfect Prick, and how wonderful he was, and how much in love she was, and how wonderful their sex life was, and eventually throwing up at just about the same point that we all felt like it.
‘Your turn now, little sister!’ she says with an unusual gentleness.
My turn to see how pissed I can get in the shortest possible time?
My turn to throw up in the toilets in a city nightclub, stagger home in the early hours wearing a torn, tatty veil, an ‘L’ plate and no shoes, and lie in bed the next day with the worst hangover of my life?
My turn to hang around the necks of my best mates, slop my drink down their clothes, cry and tell them I’ll always love them more than any man?
OK, then; bring it on.
‘Are you ready for this?’ Helen asks me quietly just before the wheels hit the tarmac of Dublin airport with a jolt that makes my backbone shudder.
‘Ouch!’ I wince afterwards. ‘No, I wasn’t!’
But we both know she wasn’t talking about landings.
ABOUT JUDE
We’re booked into a three-star hotel in Temple Bar. We arrive in two taxis, waving and calling out of the windows at any interested or interesting specimens of Irish manhood as we pass.
I’ve called Jude on her mobile, and she’s waiting for us in reception. She looks up as we swing in through the door, alerted by the shrieks and laughter. We catch sight of each other and immediately we’re both legging it across the foyer, grabbing hold of each other by the shoulders, hugging as if we haven’t seen each other for years. It’s only been a few weeks, actually, since she came over for the fitting of the lilac dress.
‘When did you get here? Did you have a good journey?’
‘I did, thanks. How was your flight? Kate, you’re looking well! Are you OK?’
‘I’m fine,’ I assure her. ‘I’ve been looking forward to seeing you.’
‘Me too. God, it’s desperate, I can’t believe you’re all really here!’
‘Christ, Jude – have you been on the booze already? Of course we’re all here!’ I’m laughing as I’m hugging her.
‘But I can’t tell you how pleased I am to see you, Katie – I’ve been looking forward to this for ever, and here we are already…’
‘Get a grip, Jude!’ laughs Lisa, coming to join us. She dumps her suitcase, narrowly missing Jude’s feet, and gives her a hug too. ‘How’re you doing, girl?’ She holds her out at arms’ length and studies her. ‘Not putting on any weight, I hope? There’s no room to let out in those seams, I keep telling Katie…’
‘Sure, Lisa, and there’s more fat on a stick of celery than there is on meself, you should be knowing that. Leave off with your nagging, for the love of God, or we’ll all be scared to touch a drop all weekend, so we will.’
‘I hardly think that’s likely,’ I mutter, watching Karen and Suze weaving their way towards us, arms linked, giggling. ‘Those two got started on the plane!’
They don’t seem to have changed since our university days. Still the good-time party girls – show them a bottle of wine and they’ll have it opened and poured out quicker than you can blink.
‘Good job it’s a once in a lifetime experience, eh?’ says Lisa, smiling at them with the condescension of the big sister who’s had a lifetime of tolerating the immature ways of the younger generation. Despite her superior