Tabloidology

Read Tabloidology for Free Online

Book: Read Tabloidology for Free Online
Authors: Chris McMahen
Tags: JUV000000
flood as an ‘increase in water content.’ Don’t you think you should jazz your writing up a little?”
    â€œAbsolutely not, Ms. Baumgartner!” Martin said, jumping up from his chair. “I reported the flood in a responsible, factual manner. There’s no room for sensationalism in my paper!”
    â€œObviously not,” Ms. Baumgartner said. She slapped the paper down on the stack of unsold papers and walked off without a word—not one mention about his fine spelling or his grammar, and not even a hint of her usual smile. Not only that, she didn’t even buy a copy. This was not a good sign. Martin could sense something was in the air. He didn’t know what, but something at Upland Green School was about to change.

    That night, Razor’s band practiced in the living room until 2:25 am when the neighbors finally phoned the police.
    At 2:55 am, three fire trucks answered a call, roaring out of the fire station with their sirens wailing.
    At 4:42 am, Sissy’s dogs got loose, ran upstairs and jumped up on Martin’s bed.
    At 4:55 am, two fire trucks answered another call.
    At 5:15 am, the freight train rumbled past Martin’s house, and the engineer blew the whistle three times.
    At 5:45 am, Martin’s mother arrived home from working the night shift and tripped over the cat in the front hall.
    At 5:55 am, three fire trucks answered another call.
    At 7:30 am, Martin dragged himself out of bed to take a shower, but there was no water. All he could find for breakfast was a can of sardines, a box of stale crackers and a jar of pickles.
    He took the last bruised apple and the rest of the crackers for his lunch and headed for school.

    Trixi woke up to find a note stuck to the outside of her bedroom door.
    I forgot to tell you last night that your father and I had to leave for New York a day earlier than planned. If you behave yourself while we’re gone, we’ll pick up something special for you at Saks Fifth Avenue.
    Be Good,
Mom

    Right after the first bell rang at school, Ms. Baumgartner’s voice was heard over the pa speaker in Martin’s classroom. “Mr. Branch? Could I please see Martin Wettmore in my office?”
    What with the superintelligent photocopier and a library that turned into a wading pool, yesterday had been a strange day. Now, today was off to a strange start of its own. No one in his class could believe that Martin “Never-Broken-a-Rule-in-His-Life” Wettmore was being called down to the office.
    At first Martin figured, in his half-awake state, that he hadn’t heard right. But his teacher said, “Martin, you’d better get going. Ms. Baumgartner’s asking for you.”
    â€œThere must be some mistake,” Martin said. “Maybe there’s another Martin Wettmore in the school. Or maybe there’s another kid who looks just like me and she’s gotten us mixed up.”
    â€œI don’t think so,” Mr. Branch said. “Let’s go, Martin! To the office. Right away.”
    A moment later, Ms. Baumgartner’s voice came over the pa speaker in another class. “Mrs. Green? Could I please see Trixi Wilder in my office?”
    This was no surprise to anyone. Trixi’s visits to the office were routine.
    Unlike Martin, Trixi had a pretty good idea why she was being called down to the office. After her parents’ visit to the school yesterday, Ms. Baumgartner never did get around to telling Trixi how she was planning to fix the problem . When Trixi walked into Ms. Baumgartner’s office and saw Martin Wettmore already sitting in her yellow plastic chair, she wondered, Why is he here? Is he some sort of witness? Is he going to write a first-hand report on my punishment for his boring school newspaper?
    As Martin watched Trixi sit in another yellow chair right next to his, he wondered, Why is she here? Is she some sort of witness? Is she going to advise Ms. Baumgartner on the proper

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