canvas bag hanging off her arm, and she pushed her oversized sunglasses up on her head. She looked like she had spent the day at the beach, and I imagined that’s what she had planned for her cover story. I’m sure she could sense the tension in the room, but she had expected that from Matt no matter when she returned, so she smiled brightly at me, trying to play it off as a cheery afternoon.
“I heard you were visiting Arkham Asylum for the Criminally Insane,”
I smiled at her, referencing the nuthouse from Batman.
“Oh, she’s not like that,” Maggie replied, sounding deflated. Her smile instantly disappeared, and she dropped any pretense of being happy. Matt scoffed loudly at Maggie’s minor defense of our mother, but she ignored him.
“I don’t know why you always do this. You freak out on me, insisting that Wendy can’t know where I’m at, but then you always tell her, and you’re way more upset by it than she is!”
“Because you shouldn’t be seeing her!” Matt shouted fiercely and tossed his book down on the table. He rarely raised his voice in anger, so when he did, it was kind of a stunning thing.
“Matt, I’ve gone over this with you a thousand times.” Maggie rubbed her forehead and looked down at the floor. “She is sick, and she is family.”
29
“She is your ex -sister-in-law!” Matt growled, not for the first time.
Maggie was our father’s only sister, and with Dad dead, Matt was always quick to point out that she had no real relationship with our mother.
“We don’t abandon family!” Maggie retorted vehemently.
“She is not family!” Matt bellowed and got to his feet. There were only two things they ever argued about: me and Mom. I suppose those were only two things in life that Matt was really passionate about, for entirely different reasons. “Once you try to kill someone in the family, you’re out!”
“She is sick, Matt!” Maggie was almost pleading with him to understand, but it was completely pointless.
We had heard every clinical diagnosis of Mom, every attempt at explaining her psychotic break. Doctors rationally and repeatedly explained to me how none of this was my fault, although to be honest, I don’t think I’ll ever fully believe that. I do not think I did that anything merited a murder attempt, but I’m pretty sure that if I hadn’t been such a brat growing up, I wouldn’t have drove her to it.
At any rate, nothing had ever satisfied Matt. For some reason, I had never been that curious about why Mom did it. I’ve been curious about her , wondering what life was like for Matt and everyone else that lived with her. But as for her motives, they never seemed that relevant or that blurred. She was fragile, and I was volatile. She was on the edge, and I pushed her. Maybe Matt’s problem was that he refused to believe that I had any part of what happened, so he was left with only half a story, and that was never good enough for him.
“You were there, Maggie! You saw her!” His voice had that quavering edge to it. He didn’t cry, not ever, but his pain was always so transparent. “You saw what she was like and what she tried to do! You of all people know what she’s really like!”
“Yes, Matt, I was there! I saw how crazy she was!” Maggie looked at him incredulously.
“We’re making a new start here!” I interjected, and Matt looked down at the coffee table. I had a feeling he’d momentarily forgotten I was there, and 30
he was ashamed that he had brought up anything about Mom. “Maybe we should… Maybe Mom should stay in the past.”
Truth be told, I didn’t care one way or another if Maggie saw Mom.
She could visit her every day, and it wouldn’t bother me at all. I had never felt any connection to that woman, not before she tried to kill me and certainly not after. I’d have felt about the same if Maggie drove to visit Jeffery Dahmer or something. What bothered me was how upset Matt got.
“I respect your