I hadn’t been so lucky; mine had driven herself off a cliff when I was three.
But Allegra and I had been friends always. We’d sit together, she curled in my lap when little and close by my side when older, as we read books, talked, played on the games console together. I’d sit by her when I could, helping her with homework assignments, giving her confidence to try new things and consoling her when she failed or fell. She poured her heart out to me, sometimes teaching me things, and listening seriously to what I said. She’d send me a soft smile, followed by a chuckle then a full throated laugh. Then a few weeks before we came here she’d transformed, like she had a split personality; flirting with her father, still giving Helena respect and polite to everybody else, she saved all her grumping for me. Fabulous.
The twins, Tonia and Gil, at ten were über-boisterous after an exciting day out in London but that didn’t entitle Allegra to drag along all day saying how bored she was. She knew better. And that made me angry. She knew it would be her turn tomorrow and we’d leave the small ones and Helena behind.
‘I don’t know what you’re worrying about, love,’ said Conrad. ‘It’s just a phase.’
‘Right. A phase. Sure. You’re getting all the Daddy’s girl treatment and I’m Cruella de Vil.’
‘Forget about it tonight. We’ve got dinner with Andrew Brudgland later, so you can relax and leave it to Helena.’
‘You don’t think that’s the problem? I mean, Helena and not me?’
‘Carina, look at me.’ Mm, always a pleasure. Although he was gaining one or two more lines around those mesmerising eyes and tiny grey wings at his temples, his smile was so warm and sexy, I forgot everything else.
‘Hey!’
‘Yes?’ I said.
‘You are a great mother. You love our children unreservedly, you nurture them, help them, defend them. You have responsibilities, sure, but they know that and none of them feels any less loved because of it. So stop it.’
‘But why—’
He laid the tip of his finger on my lip. ‘It’s not you. She’s just trying to work out who she is. She’s an adolescent.’ He shrugged.
‘Helena says I have to persist, keep talking, support her, talk to her as an adult. But all I get back are grunts.’
‘It’ll pass. Honestly.’
‘And what makes you the great expert?’ He had no sisters and only distant female cousins. Then I remembered. Stella. He saw I’d got it.
‘Quite. Remember her at fifteen? I know she can still be awkward, but she’s a great deal improved. I think living at the palace has kept her a bit immature. Hopefully, that’ll go when she gets to the officer training school.’
Personally, I had my doubts.
*
Rules Restaurant belonged to another world. Welcomed by a smile from the top-hatted commissionaire, tall with the assured, disciplined air of a former soldier, we passed into the care of wonderfully polite, hyper-efficient servers sporting tab-fronted aprons and tailcoats. Light bounced between the gold-framed mirrors, reflected off the fabulous coloured glass ceiling and fell on our party dining in a discreet corner. The spaciousness, soft leather benches and thick carpet recalled a more comfortable and relaxed age.
Andrew Brudgland had that confident British air of looking as if he was sitting up straight when slouching. He ate his food with smooth, precise movements, nothing dropped or spilled and no crumbs or drips left. Fascinated by such fastidiousness, I studied his unremarkable face closely. Half-closed lids couldn’t disguise the directness of his gaze as he talked with Conrad about some shared past adventure. They’d met and trained together when Conrad had spent time on detachment in England as a young soldier. Andrew worked now in one of the British government’s security services. From his fit appearance he didn’t sit at a desk so much.
‘I’m sorry I missed you both last time you came to London, Carina. How are you
Mortal Remains in Maggody