all made it sound like I was here having a routine pap smear. Didn‟t they have the least bit of sympathy for what I was going through?
Then again, in their line of work I guess you had to be a little callus. I mean, how many times had they done the same thing to a million other girls? I was no different than the fifteen year old that was sitting next to me in the lobby. To them I was just another fast ass girl that had managed to get myself knocked up fresh out of high school.
“Okay, undress from the waist down and then we‟ll start the exam.”
I felt like a puppet. Like Geppetto was above me pulling the strings making me do all of this. It was like I had been sedated but the anesthesia hadn‟t kicked all the way in so I was still conscious; still aware and being forced to go through the motions.
“This gel is going to be a little cold; I promise it won‟t take long.” She pressed a few buttons on a machine and like magic my uterus appeared on the screen.
At first it was a little muffled but then I heard it; loud and steady like a bass drum underwater; one-two, onetwo, one-two.
The entire time I had been lying on the table with this cold ass jelly on my stomach I didn‟t look at the screen. I didn‟t want to see anything that resembled another life form. But then this foreign voice escaped my lips and suddenly I was asking to know the sex of the baby. I wished that I could somehow reach out and take my words back but it was too late.
Why was I torturing myself? How would knowing the gender of my baby help me?
I turned my head and faced the doctor not sure if I really wanted her to tell me but a part of me felt like I should know who I was killing. All murderers identified their victims at one point or another.
“Unfortunately, you‟re only eleven weeks so it‟s too early to tell. Usually around twenty weeks if the baby is in a good position, we can tell you then.”
In a thirty-second time frame I felt so many different emotions. I was disappointed because I would never know what I was having, I felt relieved because not knowing was preventing me from attaching myself any further than I already had, and I felt upset because I was putting myself through all of this.
I wanted to tell her to wipe the gel off my stomach, to pull my shirt back down and let me out of this room but I couldn‟t. I was silent.
I felt brainwashed, all I could hear was CJ‟s voice, it was like I was under hypnosis and my agenda was to do one thing and one thing only; terminate.
C J reached into his pocket for his cell which had begun to vibrate. Looking at the caller ID he exhaled and answered the phone.
“What?”
“What do you mean what?” Corey‟s voice dripped with annoyance. “I‟ve called you like three times now, why didn‟t you answer the phone?”
“Just like I said; what do you want Corrine?”
“Well, is it over? How much longer do I have to wait? You said you were coming to get me after you dropped her off; it‟s almost noon. I‟m hungry CJ.”
“Go get something to eat then,” As he listened to her complain he was beginning to think that he had made the wrong decision.
“What I want you can‟t buy at the store.” Corey laid back on her bed and crossed her feet in the air.
“And what is that?” CJ adjusted his jeans and smiled as he listened to her seduce him.
“You; I need you to come take care of me.”
“I‟ll be over there as soon as I‟m done here.”
“Hurry up,” Corey massaged her clit as she thought of him being inside her. “I don‟t know if I can wait much longer.”
“Don‟t start without me baby,”
“Ah...”
“Uh uh; tell me you‟ll wait for me.”
Annoyed, she licked her finger, got up from the bed and decided to take a shower to cool herself off until he arrived.
“Fine,”
Hanging up the phone CJ glanced at his watch. Corey was right, how long was this shit going to take?
T his was the last step.
As I reached the top of the staircase I could see little areas sectioned off