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light, not with a heavy shield around me all the time. Justin had a shell that took me a year to pry through.
    I looked around the empty alley. “How did you know I’d come out here?”
    â€œI’m friends with those security guards,” he said, and nodded toward the door. “They’re buying me a little time right now.”
    I should have figured. “Nice connection.”
    â€œHow do you think I got in last year?”
    â€œThey told me to stay put,” I pointed out.
    Justin smiled. “I told them to say that. I figured it was all the encouragement you needed to walk out here.”
    I nodded because he was right. “You have me figured out.”
    His smile disappeared and his eyes grilled me. “You’re impossible to figure out.”
    We were both quiet for a few seconds. I thought about last year, how I left with him and we spent the night together. How much that night had changed me. How I had never wanted to go back to my old life again. Tonight wasn’t any different. I still wanted to run away.
    A pipe stemming out of a grate in the hotel siding pumped steam into the street, and it floated into a thin cloud between us. It made me feel like I was drifting, like neither of us was anchored in this place, like we were just floating.
    He studied me. His hands rested on his knees, and his feet started to bounce on the ground. I walked up closer to him, until we were close enough to touch. His feet shifted like he was about to stand up. He reached out and grabbed my hand, tentatively, like he was afraid I’d snap it back. He’d been careful not to touch me ever since I escaped from the DC, as if he thought he might break me. He looked down at my hand, lying on top of his, and his fingertips curled around mine, slowly, like a flower closing in on itself. He was acting like he shouldn’t be touching me, which was unnerving, since that was all I wanted him to do.
    â€œYou didn’t say goodbye.” His eyes dimmed when he said this. He looked genuinely hurt.
    â€œI thought you’d all understand. Obviously, Scott didn’t,” I said. “He’s mad at me.”
    â€œScott’s mad at everybody,” Justin said. “It’s part of his charm.” He looked up at me. “He’s also pretty sensitive about loyalty.”
    This word hurt, as if he were jabbing his fingers between my ribs. But only one thing really mattered. “Do
you
question me?”
    He blew out a long breath. His hand trailed up my arm, all the way to my shoulder strap, and it made goose bumps rise on my skin. He pulled his hand away, and something in his eyes bothered me.
    â€œNo. I know you have your reasons.” He paused, like he was waiting for me to list them. I knew he had doubts.
    â€œI want to figure out what’s going on with my dad. I want to see what he’s up to. And there’s another reason,” I added, thinking of my mom and how I felt like she needed me more than anyone right now. I knew I couldn’t leave her.
    He nodded slowly, like I had just affirmed something. “I get it,” he said.
    I met his eyes with surprise. “You do?”
    â€œAt first I was surprised, but I thought about it and you’re right. I can’t really blame you.”
    I felt a chill and hugged my arms over my chest. “Wait. Right about what?”
    â€œYou made the right decision. I told you over and over not to get involved with me, that I wasn’t worth the trouble. I’m glad you finally came to your senses.”
    â€œWait—”
    He held up a hand.
    â€œNo, I get it. I screwed up so many times with you. Ever since the day we met I’ve royally screwed up, and you gave me so many chances. I honestly didn’t deserve it. It’s just messed-up timing—you realized you don’t need me at exactly the point when I realized I need you.” He smiled, this sad smile. “Is that how it