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stepbrother, too?" Caleb asks.
"Stop giving me that goofy as fuck look of yours," I tell him. "But, yeah. Take it from me. Stepbrother with benefits? Pretty fucking good deal. You've got a week, though. If you don't turn it into more by then, you're done. You have to cut her off, no matter what."
"What, a week? When? Now? Ethan, I haven't even talked to her about this. She's going to think it's weird. I... I mean, we did talk about... something..."
"Yeah, what's that something?" I ask him. "Scarlet said something last night, but she wouldn't tell me."
"It's... it's nothing!" Caleb says.
He's defiant, too. Awkward, kind of nervous defiance, but whatever. After I stare at him for a couple seconds, he tries to pound his hand on the table, even more defiant. It's kind of half-assed, but I'll let it go. He gets points for the attempt.
"Not now," I say, "but whenever. You get a week to impress Scarlet. For a relationship, I mean. Dating or whatever the fuck. If you can't impress her in a week, you're probably never going to impress her. It'll be a lost cause. I want you to think about that, alright? I'm not saying you have to start right now, but as soon as you do start, I want you to go all out. Don't fucking half-ass this. This is serious. This is love we're talking about, Caleb. You don't go halfway with love, dude. You go all the fucking way or you die trying."
"I don't think you really die," Caleb says, backtalking me.
"You fucking die," I tell him. "This is hardcore dating. The people who don't die are the ones who obviously were just screwing around and trying to half-ass their way through relationships."
"Oh," Caleb says. "I think I get it now?"
"Good. Now I'm heading to the football field. You coming or what?" I ask him. "I want you to come."
"Really?" he asks. "Or are you just being nice?"
"Are you serious? When the fuck have I ever been nice?"
"I've seen you be nice to Ashley," Caleb points out.
"Caleb, why the fuck are you sassing me?"
"I'm not! I'm just saying you're nice to Ashley!"
"Listen, are you coming with me so I can introduce you to the coach or what? Are you going to come to our private parties and then smack Scarlet on the ass, or are you going to sit at home and watch Dancing with the Stars or something?"
"Wait, if I'm on the football team, I can't watch Dancing with the Stars? " Caleb asks. "I usually try and record it or check it out on YouTube if I miss it, but I like that show."
"It's not a bad show," I say. "I like Julianne Hough. She's pretty hot. I was trying to attack your masculinity, Caleb. You're supposed to want to prove your manliness to me now. Stay with me here."
"Oh," Caleb says. "Sorry."
"You can still watch Dancing with the Stars , but if we're having a private football party or a game that night you're going to have to record it and watch it later," I say. "This isn't even about that. I don't know what the fuck you're doing to me, Caleb."
"I don't know if I can smack Scarlet's ass, though, Ethan," he says.
"You're going to smack her fucking ass so damn hard, Caleb. I promise you."
"She told me once that she was kind of into that," Caleb says. This is more like musing. I don't know where the fuck it came from, but that's alright. "Like, uh... you know, domination... submission... spankings and... wait, I didn't mean to say that."
"When did she tell you this?" I ask him. "Where were you?"
"It was the summer before we went to college. Scarlet snuck out of her house and climbed onto my garage and I let her in my window."
"Your bedroom window?" I ask. I need to clarify this. It's important.
"Uh... yeah? She stayed over that night. She's, uh... I don't know. I can tell you about it later. She used to come over a lot."
"So, an attractive girl snuck into your window, secretly stayed overnight in your bedroom, and told you that she likes having her ass