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fuck? I'm trying to be manly here, Caleb. Fuck you.
"That's mostly for starters. There's second string backups and some positions have a third string, but that's not really important. It's still fun, you know? I'm not even fucking around with you here. It'd be cool to have you on the team. Also, you know how fucking badass that is? We have private parties and shit. Scarlet's been to some. They're cool."
Caleb perks up at the idea of being fucking badass, but then he gives me a strange look when I mention Scarlet and the private parties. What's the look for, dude?
"Second string?" Caleb says, mumbling. "So I wouldn't even play, and I'd just practice and look like an idiot in the background while everyone else became football heroes."
"Caleb," I say, being straight with him. "Who the fuck do you think I am? I'm going to answer that for you. I'm Ethan Colton. I'm the starting quarterback. I'm kind of a big deal."
"I don't really know where you're going with this," Caleb says.
Fuck, he looks kind of depressed, too. Like a sad puppy dog. Cut that shit out, Caleb.
"Look, bro," I say. "Can I call you bro for a second, Caleb?"
"I guess?"
"Alright, I'm just going to be bros with you here. Football is like a brotherhood, right? That's what I mean. Fuck all the fraternity bullshit. What do they even do? We do all of that and more on the football team. And a part of that is making sure you've got everyone's back. I've already got your back, Caleb. You don't need to do this if you don't want to, and I'll help you out. I'm helping you later, right?"
"Uh... yeah?"
"Yeah. So you know this is the real deal. I think you're a kind of cool guy. Not super cool yet. We'll get there later. I happen to know for a fact that we have a second string defensive guard position open, too. There'll be some competition for it, maybe, but I'll vouch for you. And if you're as good as you say, then I'll even see if we can have you switch in with the starter defensive guards."
Caleb's still staring at me, but he doesn't look like a sad puppy dog anymore.
I keep going with this. "I mean, yeah, I can't guarantee you'll play a ton early in the game, but a little in the third quarter, maybe even the entire fourth quarter depending on how things are going? I'll stick up for you. If you earn it, and you don't let me down, I'll be there for you. That's what brothers are for, right?"
"Ethan, you aren't even my brother, though," Caleb says, laughing.
"Fuck, man... you're making this difficult. Like... stepbrothers or something? Give me a break and just go with it. You know what I mean."
"Stepbrother?" Caleb asks me, this mischievous fucking smirk on his face, one eyebrow raised. "I'm not too sure about that. I've seen how this stepbrother thing works with Ashley, Ethan. I'm not really into that. No benefits for me."
"I'm going to kick your fucking ass," I tell him, laughing. "You don't get any benefits. Those are strictly reserved for Ashley."
"What about a pat on the ass?" Caleb asks, trying not to laugh. "Football camaraderie, right?"
"I'll tell you what," I say. "You smack Scarlet's ass sometime. I need to be there as a witness. You do that and I'll give you some football camaraderie ass pats if you do good. Deal?"
"I don't even know if she'd like that," Caleb says, getting all pouty again. "You said she goes to the football parties? Do guys hit on her a lot there? If I'm just second string, she won't even be impressed. The starters will be cooler."
"Are you fucking kidding me?" I ask him. "Seriously, are you fucking kidding me?"
"Er... no?"
"Scarlet's like my new stepsister. I'm adopting her, alright? She's adopted. And you're my new stepbrother here. Only if you join the football team, though. Do you get where I'm going with this?"
"So if I'm your stepbrother and Scarlet's your stepsister, then I'm Scarlet's