couldn’t be lead differently.
I love that picture. It was taken at my high school graduation. Drew, Ali, and I were all posing together in cap and gown, and right before Drew’s mom snapped the photo Beau jumped in between Drew and me. His arms were wrapped around all three of us in a giant hug and we were laughing. It’s such a carefree picture. He is beautiful.
Thinking about Beau, I find myself frowning. For so many years, I did such a great job ignoring him and blocking out all memories or emotions that were tied to him. If only I could remember how to do that now.
One by one, customers file in a line at the café counter and I fill their orders. I’m moving on autopilot while I’m staying continually lost in thought. It’s seeing a flash of the color teal that takes me back to our little house on Magnolia Street. I’m sixteen years old and it’s a warm sunny June afternoon.
My father grew up on Anna Maria Island and after college, he and Aunt Ella’s brother decided to join the military. Once his tour was up, he found himself back at MacDill Air Force Base in Tampa, and while being stationed there, he met my mom.
Together they saved every penny they could and when I was eight years old, their dreams came true when they purchased our home on North Shore Drive, on Anna Maria Island. Six years later, our house burned down. My guess is that most will have forgotten why we left but as we pulled back onto the island after two and a half years, my nerves set in.
Anna Maria Island and Long Boat Key combined have a population of around ten thousand residents. That makes us large enough to warrant having our own grocery stores and banks, but leaves us small enough that everyone knows everyone’s business. Gossip has always been huge and on a daily basis, some new tidbit would roll in with the morning tide only to roll back out by the end of the day.
The plan was always to return. That’s where our home, memories, family, and life are meant to be.
My parents talked endlessly about the day we would return and last week, when they told me that today would be the day, a little part of me squealed with joy. I know that things between Beau and I aren’t going to be the same but just the thought of seeing him again fills me with happiness.
I don’t have a lot of clothes, most of them I hand made, but I try on every dress that I have and settle on a teal one. My mother says it makes my eyes stand out. I’m not sure when the first time we will see each other again might be, but just in case, I need to look good. I also wouldn’t be lying if I said that hopefully there will be just some small part of him that will see me and regret the way he ended things.
Seeing him on the beach with Grant, nerves and butterflies fill me up on the inside. He is so much taller than I remember, his hair is longer, and his body thinner. He’s wearing a pair of board shorts, a sun shirt, and just for a moment, a smile. He laughs at something but I can’t tear my eyes away from him to see what.
Chase calls out to them but Grant is the only one to come over. When Beau finally turns around, faces me, and our eyes lock . . . I could have cried tears of joy. I missed him so desperately. In this moment I would have forgiven him for everything.
“Hey Beau,” I say to him. Seconds pass. He doesn’t come any closer and he doesn’t say anything in return.
I watch as the expression on his face shifts to one of anger. His look becomes menacing right before he jerks around and walks away. Grant calls out after him but he never looks back.
Tears fill my eyes. So this is what it looks like to watch him walk away from me. In many ways, this is how he should have done it two and a half years ago. At least this way I can see it versus being left with a few words and nothing else. After all, seeing is believing, right? Watching him, closure begins to wash over me. I will never understand what I did to him to make him treat me this way,