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school. I’ve brought your homework.”
    No one but Josh would think about bringing homework . He held out a sheet of paper. “English and history. I printed it off for you.”
    I thanked him as graciously as my voice would permit. It was still coming out in a growl.
    He said, “I didn’t think you’d want to fall behind…I know they’re your best subjects.”
    â€œAfter music.”
    â€œOh. Yeah! Well. After music.” He grinned. I tried to grin back, but I couldn’t seem to get my lips moving in the right direction. “So… you OK?”
    I said, “Yes! I mean… you know… Apart from a headache.”
    â€œI heard what happened.”
    â€œBefore you say anything else—” My tongue suddenly broke loose. The words came babbling out, unstoppable. “I wasn’t the one that told them! Lance and Marigold… I didn’t say a word! Honestly! I didn’t even tell Indy!”
    â€œIt’s OK,” said Josh. “Don’t worry about it.”
    â€œBut I—”
    â€œCarm, it’s OK. I told you, don’t worry! I can handle it.”
    â€œYou shouldn’t have to handle it! They shouldn’t be saying things like that! I just don’t see how they f—”
    â€œCarm, for God’s sake, will you just SHUT UP!”
    I was startled into silence. Josh is such a together person; he almost never shouts or loses his cool.
    â€œI don’t want to talk about it, OK?”
    I swallowed. “OK.”
    â€œI didn’t come here to talk about me, I came to talk about you.”
    Guardedly, I said, “What about me?”
    â€œWhy you’re not at school.”
    â€œYou know why I’m not at school! I’ve got this headache.”
    â€œYeah, you said.”
    â€œIt’s like a migraine. It’s really really—”
    â€œCarmen, stop it!” I thought for a moment he was going to shake me. That startled me even more. It was so not Josh! We didn’t treat each other like that. “What’s happened to you? Why have you suddenly let them get to you? They’re not worth it! People like Marigold Johnson… they’re just body fascists. Nothing up here.” He tapped his head. “Completely empty. All they think about is looks.”
    I knew that Josh, like Indy, was only trying to help, but it just made me feel even more humiliated than I had before. I’d always been so determined not to feel ashamed of my own body that size wasn’t something I’d ever discussed. Not even with Indy. We’d never had girly-type conversations with me moaning about spare tyres and Indy fretting over lack of boobs. We’d always pretended we were just ordinary, regular, girl-shaped girls. That is, I’d pretended. Indy had just been kind and humoured me.
    When I went shopping for clothes and Josh came along and chose brilliant, clever tops that flattered me, of course I knew that he was looking at my bum and thinking, How can we cover that up ? but he didn’t ever say so. I didn’t ever say so. Not even in joke, like, “Ooh, hide the big fat bum!” I suppose I had this idea that if neither of us ever mentioned it, it would mean that he hadn’t really noticed. Which is totally and utterly pathetic, cos how could he not?
    â€œThere’s only one way to deal with them,” saidJosh. “You just have to ignore them.”
    I muttered, “I’ve been ignoring them.”
    â€œSo go on ignoring them!”
    He thought it was that easy?
    â€œJust come back and make like nothing ever happened, and it’ll all blow over. Honestly! I promise! People like you. They don’t like Marigold. But you’re funny and sharp and you stick up for yourself. People admire you for that. They’re glad you slagged her off. They reckon it was about time.”
    I thought, Yes, and look where it got me. Look where it got both of us