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if I’ll be doing any more stirring. I think that it’s time to start the healing in there,” I answered.
    “If you didn’t have all of this external crap to deal with Cindi, I’d turn you out right now. You really don’t need to be here. But I think that the rest will do you good, your participation in the group will do us good, and I’ll get to work on your parents,” he informed me.
    “I see that that you have had a real conflict in group with one of the other members,” Dr. Wynn stated.
    I acknowledged the incident and explained it as best I could. “I believe that we are making progress. I could see some serious changes this afternoon,” I told him.
    “That’s very good to hear. I believe that you really need to shake things up every once in a while to get the process of healing started. And you have been a catalyst this week to that end, Cindi,” he said. “Keep up the good work and I’ll see you in a couple of days,” he concluded.
    I went back to the common area and saw that the whole group (minus Andrea) congregated in the dining area waiting for supper to come.
    “We are here together Cindi,” Jane told me.
    “Ya Cindi” acknowledged another. The women all gave me a big hug and Jim slapped me on the back, nearly knocking me over.
    “Jeeeezh Jim, be careful!” I squealed as I caught my balance.
    “I can’t fucking believe this. You girls are not afraid of me,” Jim said.
    “Now Jim, we can love you but not your anger or your cursing,” someone responded.
    “Okay” started Jim, “I’m not going to start another touchy feely love fest! We already had that in group this afternoon. Hey.. its dinner!” I n came the rolling carts with our meals. For hospital food, it was really pretty decent.
    We broke up after dinner into smaller groups and we settled into private spaces to talk. Every once in a while some of us would break out in laughter as someone told something funny. And nurse “Big Brother” would write something down. Andrea came out of her cave to fetch a drink from the fridge. I made my way to her.
    “Andrea, I want to make sure that you are okay,” I said.
    “Oh I’m okay. I’m still mad at you and at the same want to hug you. I’m having such a hard time being here,” she answered.
    “Can we talk Andrea?” I queried.
    “Cindi, I’m really sorry but I don’t feel up to it tonight. My mind is just so screwed up that’s all,” she responded.
    “Maybe tomorrow then?” I queried.
    “Perhaps,” she replied as she walked back to her room. She stopped and paused, then turned around. “Yes Cindi, you are right. Let’s talk tomorrow.”
    Only half the group got together for breakfast the next morning. Jim seemed very grumpy … Andrea was there. Our conversation was fairly tense. But we were talking. After breakfast, Andrea and I retreated to the common. Andrea sat on the couch and I folded my legs up under myself as I sat in a chair next to her.
    “Andrea, why did you try to kill yourself?” I asked.
    “Wow, what a way to start a conversation,” she said.
    “But I really want to know,” I responded.
    “Cindi, I just don’t know where to begin. Every day I wake up and know that I am a sinner. I have sinful thoughts all day long. I love my husband and my daughter but I am overwhelmed by this horrible feeling. I pray and pray and I’m so unhappy. I go to church and I can’t get better. I’ve talked to my bishop and he has been very helpful. He counseled me to pray and study the scriptures. The more I study and pray, the more inadequate I feel. And all the world feels like it is crashing down on top of me all the time,” she explained.
    “What are your sinful thoughts Andrea?” I asked. “Oh… I’m really ashame d to admit this… well one of them is that I detest attending testimony meetings at church,” she said .
    “Andrea,” I responded, “if you asked, I’d bet that 75 percent of the members would agree with you!” I grinned.
    “Well I have