down in front of him. 'What do you mean?'
'Are you dumping me?' He was close to tears.
'Dumping you?'
'With Gran and Granddad.'
'Of course not.'
'They say I can stay with them for ever.'
'They're just being nice.'
'They keep saying it's my room. But it's not my room. My room's in our house, isn't it?' His lower lip trembled.
3i 'No question about that.' Shepherd ruffled his son's hair.
'Why aren't I living with you?'
The question's blunt simplicity was like a knife in Shepherd's chest. He pulled Liam into his arms and buried his face in the boy's neck. Liam dropped the football. 'You'll come home soon, I promise.'
'I miss you, Dad.'
'I miss you, too.'
'Why aren't I living with you?'
'Because I've got to find someone to take care of us.'
'I can take care of us,' said Liam earnestly.
'There's a lot to do, Liam. Cooking, cleaning, laundry,
shopping. I've got work, you've got school. We need someone to do that sort of thing for us.'
'Like a maid?'
'Yeah. An au pair they call them. She'll take care of the house and us.'
'Like Mum used to do?'
'Yeah.'
'But she won't be my mum, right?'
'Right.'
'Because I don't want a new mum.'
'I know.'
'I keep dreaming about her.'
The too.'
Liam sniffed. 'Where's my ball?'
Shepherd released the child and looked around. The ball had rolled into the gutter. He retrieved it and gave it to his son. They walked in silence to the park. Shepherd didn't know what to say to him. Yes, he wanted him back in London,
but there was no way he could take care of Liam and carry on working without domestic help. Liam was only eight,
too young to be a latch-key kid, and public transport where they lived was so unreliable that he'd have to be driven to 32 and from school every day. There was no way Shepherd could make that sort of commitment while he worked for Hargrove.
There was a football pitch at the park and they wandered over to the closest set of goalposts, passing the ball back and forth between them. Shepherd stood in the goalmouth and Liam took penalty shots but his heart clearly wasn't in it.
There was no power in any of his kicks and he didn't seem to care whether he got the ball past his father or not.
Shepherd tossed the ball back to his son. 'Give it some stick, Liam.'
Liam placed the ball on the penalty spot, took a few steps back, then tapped it towards him. The ball rolled across the ground and stopped at Shepherd's feet. 'That's terrible.'
Shepherd laughed. 'The worst shot I've ever seen.'
'This is stupid,' said Liam.
'What's stupid?'
'This.'
'Football? You like football.' Shepherd picked up the ball and threw it back to the boy.
Liam caught it and held it to his chest. 'You don't really want to play.'
'I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to play with you,' said Shepherd.
'Remember when you were in prison?' asked Liam.
'Sure.' Shepherd had been working undercover on the remand wing of LIMP Shelton, trying to get close to a major drugs importer who was sabotaging the case against him from behind bars. Sue had brought Liam to visit him. It was against all the rules, but Shepherd had needed to see them both.
'Well, that's what this is like,' said Liam. 'It's like I'm in prison and you're visiting me. And once visiting time's over you'll go and I'll be here on my own.'
'You're not on your own. You're with your gran and granddad.'
'You know what I mean,' said Liam. 'You don't want me.'
'Liam!' protested Shepherd.
'It's true! You never wanted me!' Liam dropped the ball and ran away.
'Liam, come here!' Shepherd shouted. One of his mobile phones rang and he pulled it out of his pocket. 'Liam, wait for me!' It was the Tony Nelson phone. The caller had blocked their number. 'Liam, God damn it, stay where you are!'
Shepherd yelled.
Liam stopped and turned to look at him. Tears were running down his cheeks. Shepherd pointed a warning finger at him,
then pressed the button to accept the call. It was a woman.
'Is that Tony Nelson?'
'Yeah,' said
'Are you dumping me?' He was close to tears.
'Dumping you?'
'With Gran and Granddad.'
'Of course not.'
'They say I can stay with them for ever.'
'They're just being nice.'
'They keep saying it's my room. But it's not my room. My room's in our house, isn't it?' His lower lip trembled.
3i 'No question about that.' Shepherd ruffled his son's hair.
'Why aren't I living with you?'
The question's blunt simplicity was like a knife in Shepherd's chest. He pulled Liam into his arms and buried his face in the boy's neck. Liam dropped the football. 'You'll come home soon, I promise.'
'I miss you, Dad.'
'I miss you, too.'
'Why aren't I living with you?'
'Because I've got to find someone to take care of us.'
'I can take care of us,' said Liam earnestly.
'There's a lot to do, Liam. Cooking, cleaning, laundry,
shopping. I've got work, you've got school. We need someone to do that sort of thing for us.'
'Like a maid?'
'Yeah. An au pair they call them. She'll take care of the house and us.'
'Like Mum used to do?'
'Yeah.'
'But she won't be my mum, right?'
'Right.'
'Because I don't want a new mum.'
'I know.'
'I keep dreaming about her.'
The too.'
Liam sniffed. 'Where's my ball?'
Shepherd released the child and looked around. The ball had rolled into the gutter. He retrieved it and gave it to his son. They walked in silence to the park. Shepherd didn't know what to say to him. Yes, he wanted him back in London,
but there was no way he could take care of Liam and carry on working without domestic help. Liam was only eight,
too young to be a latch-key kid, and public transport where they lived was so unreliable that he'd have to be driven to 32 and from school every day. There was no way Shepherd could make that sort of commitment while he worked for Hargrove.
There was a football pitch at the park and they wandered over to the closest set of goalposts, passing the ball back and forth between them. Shepherd stood in the goalmouth and Liam took penalty shots but his heart clearly wasn't in it.
There was no power in any of his kicks and he didn't seem to care whether he got the ball past his father or not.
Shepherd tossed the ball back to his son. 'Give it some stick, Liam.'
Liam placed the ball on the penalty spot, took a few steps back, then tapped it towards him. The ball rolled across the ground and stopped at Shepherd's feet. 'That's terrible.'
Shepherd laughed. 'The worst shot I've ever seen.'
'This is stupid,' said Liam.
'What's stupid?'
'This.'
'Football? You like football.' Shepherd picked up the ball and threw it back to the boy.
Liam caught it and held it to his chest. 'You don't really want to play.'
'I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to play with you,' said Shepherd.
'Remember when you were in prison?' asked Liam.
'Sure.' Shepherd had been working undercover on the remand wing of LIMP Shelton, trying to get close to a major drugs importer who was sabotaging the case against him from behind bars. Sue had brought Liam to visit him. It was against all the rules, but Shepherd had needed to see them both.
'Well, that's what this is like,' said Liam. 'It's like I'm in prison and you're visiting me. And once visiting time's over you'll go and I'll be here on my own.'
'You're not on your own. You're with your gran and granddad.'
'You know what I mean,' said Liam. 'You don't want me.'
'Liam!' protested Shepherd.
'It's true! You never wanted me!' Liam dropped the ball and ran away.
'Liam, come here!' Shepherd shouted. One of his mobile phones rang and he pulled it out of his pocket. 'Liam, wait for me!' It was the Tony Nelson phone. The caller had blocked their number. 'Liam, God damn it, stay where you are!'
Shepherd yelled.
Liam stopped and turned to look at him. Tears were running down his cheeks. Shepherd pointed a warning finger at him,
then pressed the button to accept the call. It was a woman.
'Is that Tony Nelson?'
'Yeah,' said
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