that somewhere, on campus, their mother hunched over a miniature table, cutting out eighty construction paper hearts for the first grade. To know in the very marrow of their bones that theyâd come home to a hot dinner with a vegetable and a whole grain and a lean meat, and a father whoâd play catch and never, ever tell a single lie to them.
My phone buzzes and I glance down. My daughter Quincyâs photo lights up the screen. Her engagement photo, to be precise.
Got our proofs
. A lovely picture, the afternoon light making her long light brown hair and skin glow as if candlelit. Her fiancé Ryanâs hair is shaved to the skin on the sides and back, the top left an inch long in a high-and-tight military haircut, wearing his dress blues.
Yes. Thereâs also this. As if there isnât enough already happening. My twenty-year-old
college student
is getting married in June. Twenty. Yes, I said twenty. âLook.â I show the photo to Chase.
He nods absently, sighing at the carpool line. âYup, thatâs Quincy.â
I put the phone down.
Only two and a half years earlier, Quincy had yet to meet Ryan. She was looking at college brochures with me at the kitchen counter, her face alive with fresh dreams. She trailed her fingertips along the photos. âIâve got it all planned out, Mom. Iâm definitely going to do grad school. Maybe a double MBA/engineering. Thatâll get me on the executive track.â
Her wide hazel eyes, today leaning more toward brown, as they did when she was in emotional disarray, waited for my approval. I felt the same way I had when she stood up to a playground bully twice her size in second grade. Plain old awe. I kissed her forehead. âI have no doubt youâll achieve whatever you want.â
I can, of course, think of dozens of objections to her marriage. Any reasonable parent can. Her fiancé is only four years into his Navy career, still deciding whether or not to stay in for the full twenty years. âThe worldâs too uncertain to wait, Mother,â Quincy told me. âHave some optimism,â I told her. If youâre a cynical parent, you might as well give up and move to a bunker buried in a hillside. Then again, Ryanâs already been deployed, seen action. I could understand why Quincy feels he might not be around forever.
I have to keep my mouth shut. After all, what can I possibly say about her getting married? Sheâs doing what I did. Only better, because sheâs already got two years of college behind her and sheâs not even pregnant.
I have to trust her. But another part of me worries weâve messed up somehow. Overlooked some crucial parenting key, and Quincy now wants to escape our family the same way Iâd wanted to escape mine.
Parenting. Itâs not for the weak.
I peer at the sky above the middle school. Two more cars and weâre there. This takes up the biggest chunk of my morning by far. âDonât forget your umbrella. Itâs supposed to rain.â October is the month of strange weather. One day it will reach the nineties, with the desert blowing in hot Santa Ana winds. The next, a storm from up north might cause the temperature to drop twenty-five degrees and rain to fall. Clouds sit low over us today, thicker than the coastal fog that usually burns off by noon. We call this part of town inland, though itâs only fifteen minutes to the beach, in the middle of San Diego.
Chase puts his hand on the door, ready to jump out. âMom. I play water polo in the rain all the time. I donât need an umbrella.â
Heâs got a point, but I donât want to concede. I inch the car forward. âIf you catch a cold, Iâm going to be mad.â
âThatâs not actually how you catch a cold,â Chase says. âYou catch cold from a virus, not from actual cold air. Science, Mom.â
âSome things science doesnât know
. Mothers
know.â I