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of us could be blamed for.
                  Unless he blamed me for my actions.  But I'd only been trying to help, even the doctor had said what I had done had made a difference.
                  Unaware of my turmoil, Mr. Longren continued.  "I wanted to bring you back to the house, to show you your room."  He paused, looked at me briefly, then smiled.  "You've barely even seen it yet."
                  With a start, I realized he was right.  I'd gotten one glimpse and then the riders had come. I wanted to say, There were other matters to attend to , but kept my mouth closed.
                  "Then, the storm.  The horses.  No sooner did we get here than my idiot brother."  He didn't finish that thought.  "And you, just gotten here, no doubt tired."
                  I nodded along with him.  I didn't agree with a word.  He hadn't mentioned a single thing that mattered to me, and far from being tired, I felt energized and alive despite my worry.
                  "Now this trouble," he said, without telling me what this trouble was.  He met my eyes, and I got lost a little in the clear blue.  "I'd understand if you wanted to get right back on that train and return to Boston."                           
                  I had.  At the train station, when I first saw him, I'd felt afraid.  Such a handsome man, and so much more real than my plans and daydreams had made him.  I hadn't joined my friends in Boston in wondering and giggling between chores or after school.  I'd attended the theater on the arm of a suitor or two, but always in the company of my sisters or we'd visited in my parents' parlor. 
                  And I hadn't yearned for more.  Learning midwifery, embroidery, reading novels, and walking through parks, that had been enough for me.  The idea of being married, and married to a man who had previously had a wife, loved a woman, found comfort in her arms – that scared me. Starting life somewhere new, making new friends, learning whether my skills would be accepted or feared and scorned, all of it took more courage than I thought I had, and all of it without Virginia, my best friend, sister, and confidant.
                  So when the horses bolted and the wagon wheel broke, when the darkness of the mine yawned and the desert seemed so huge and Matthew so small and hurt, when I overheard the brothers talking of things I didn't understand but that still frightened me with their promise of unrest and mystery?  I'd wanted to go home. Despite the attraction I'd felt the minute I saw him, I'd wanted to return to Boston and plead with my father to let me be the daughter who remained unwed, who cared for him and kept his house and Virginia could stay with me, my best friend and confidant.
                  Confidant of no confidences. 
                  His eyes searched mine, eyes very like his brother's, and that was a concern as well.  I hadn't known either of the Longrens before today but I was promised to one and needed to tread with care near the other.
                  "Are you sending me away?" I asked very softly. 
                  "No," Hutch Longren said, equally quiet.  "I'm asking you to stay."

Chapter 4
     
                  The kitchen was deep in shadows before either of us spoke again.  We'd need to rise soon, light a candle or a lamp, although Mr. Longren doubtless knew his kitchen.  I, however, had walked into walls and cabinets and the stove when it was full light.  If he didn't rise and provide light, I'd be obliged to spend the night at the table.
                  At last, when the light had failed enough that his face was obscured, Mr. Longren said, "Did your mother share much of my letters?"
                  For some reason, that made my face heat again.  There was no way