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feel like a little kid, but there was only one car in the family, and if his mom needed it for work, he had to wait.
    The evening was cool, and Caleb had only shrugged on a light jacket before leaving the house. He wrapped his arms around himself to preserve body heat and tried not to stare too closely at each car that drove past.
    His mom was late. Not super late, just enough to keep Caleb standing out in the cold for longer than he would have liked. She was full of apologies when she pulled up and hastily signed with one hand that she was taking them via KFC to pick up some dinner for herself and his dad.
    While she was driving, Caleb sat back in the passenger seat and closed his eyes, content to nap a little on the way home.
    Sometimes Caleb really wished he could speak aloud. Not that he could hear, exactly, he didn’t wish for that. But sometimes when he watched movies people had conversations with their backs to each other. Or facing in opposite directions. All of Caleb’s conversations were held looking right at the person he was talking to. There was no hiding.
    A part of him wanted to keep his eyes closed and try saying the words: Mom, I’m gay. Mom, there’s this boy, and I really like him.
    Caleb felt the car slow down, and he cracked an eye open in time to see the bright drive-through. He shut the eye again and kept his lips closed. It wasn’t like anything worthwhile could come out of them, anyway.
    By the time they got home, Caleb excused himself to go straight to bed. He was exhausted. He thought the exhaustion probably came from keeping the secret of Luc as much as it was about being tired from his day.
    Even though his eyes felt gritty and heavy, Caleb turned his computer on, just in case.
    Of course Luc was awake. He was practically nocturnal. Caleb felt his mouth twitching up into a smile. He opened a chat window, not feeling up to setting up the video feed tonight.
    Hey , Luc typed. You okay? How was your evening?
    Fine, thanks. I’m so fucking tired tho.
    Oh, sweetheart. Have you thought any more about coming to visit?
    The offer for Caleb to go visit New York was dropped so casually into a conversation ( Hey, you should come visit sometime! ) that Caleb didn’t realize it was serious. It was only when Luc said it again, then once more, that he decided he should come up with an appropriate answer.
    Yeah , he typed. Cracked his knuckles. I’d love to.
    Awesome.
    Caleb logged off not long after that, sending his apologies to Luc and insisting he really was just tired, they’d talk more soon. Luc understood. He always did.
    The trip—or the possibility of taking the trip—was like a cloud that followed Caleb around for days. Sometimes it was a fluffy, happy cloud, spreading rays of sunshine that lit up his life. Other times it dripped cold rain down the back of his neck.
    He knew asking his parents outright was out of the question. They’d undoubtedly say no even though he was eighteen, and they were always telling him he should be more independent, leave the house more, go out and see friends. They never wanted him to go far, though. There were boundaries. And Caleb was pretty sure New York was outside of those boundaries.

5. NYC
     
     
    I T WASN ’ T a lie exactly, right?
    He was going to New York, and it was to meet friends.
    At dinner he’d sort of danced around the subject with his parents, making things up on the spot, explaining how it wasn’t exactly organized by the Deaf Youth group per se, rather that a group of them had got together and decided it would be fun.
    For good measure, he added the part about applying to NYU and wanting to see more of the city before his offers—if there were any offers—came in.
    As Caleb had expected, his dad was all for it. His mom took some convincing, and it was only with a lot of eye rolling and heavy sighs that he managed to persuade her that she absolutely did not need to speak to anyone else who was going, or their parents.
    “ Mom.