stare at the page until Angela comes to find me, I have no idea what the instructions say.
“So,” I say once we’re settled on the bus. “It turns out Dana is only going to have ten girls on the stage, not twelve, so all this time, she’s been auditioning me. I can hardly believe it! There I was, being so proud that she was paying all that attention to me when all along she was checking me out. Every time she corrected my footwork I’d think, She’s paying attention to me to make me perfect, but actually she was noticing how sloppy my footwork was.”
“I’m sure that’s not true, Lila. I’m sure she was trying to make you perfect.”
“You think? You don’t think she was looking for how terrible a dancer I am?”
“Of course not! I heard Dana say she approved of you as Amala’s choice to go dance with her. I know she thinks you’re a great dancer. She wouldn’t have you there if she didn’t, would she? I mean, she’s trying to put together the best-possible troupe for the festival, so even if she is only taking ten of the twelve girls, those twelve girls have to be the best around.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” I say. Angela’s long hair falls into my shoulder, and I wrap my fingers in its silky smoothness. “It’s so amazing, Angela, dancing with someone who’s so thorough. I mean, sometimes it makes me panicky, like last night, but mostly, I admire her and the girls who dance with her so much. I don’t know if I’m good enough, you know?”
“Of course you are,” Angela says.
“I really hope I’m chosen. I mean, I should be, right? There are other girls in the class who aren’t as good, who don’t know the dance as well as I do even though they’ve been there longer. So I should be able to dance in the festival, don’t you think?” I say.
“Of course,” Angela says, but she pulls her hair away from me and slides over so we aren’t touching.
“What?” I say.
She doesn’t answer.
“Is something wrong?” I ask.
She still doesn’t answer.
“There is something wrong. What is it?” I ask.
Angela slides even farther down the seat and says, “You’ve spent the whole bus ride complaining about your issues, and you haven’t even asked me how my date with Jonas went.”
“I’m so sorry, Angela! I totally forgot! How’d it go?”
“You can’t just ask me now and make it okay. There are things I need to talk to you about, and you’ve been so caught up with your dancing you haven’t even noticed,” she says, and without warning, she stands up as the bus pulls into a stop and rushes out the door.
“Angela,” I call, but she’s gone. She marches down the street without once glancing up at the bus. For the rest of the ride home, my heart races, and I have to wipe tears from my eyes.
By the time we reach my stop and I get off the bus, all I can think about is figuring out what’s going on with Angela. Her house is on the way to mine, so when I get there, I plunk myself down on her step to wait for her.
“I’m sorry,” I say again when she comes up the driveway.
She hesitates, like she might turn around again, but instead she sits next to me on the step and puts her head in her hands.
“How was the date?” I ask.
“Wonderful,” she says without raising her head.
“So…I don’t get it. Why are you sitting with your head in your hands?”
“He wants to go out with me again,” Angela says.
“But that’s good, isn’t it?”
Angela sits up and stretches. “Yeah, for sure. But the problem is Nini. She keeps going on about how much she’s in love with him, and the truth is, he doesn’t really like her—not like that. I don’t want to hurt her feelings, and I don’t want to lie to her, so I keep avoiding her, and now she thinks I’m mad at her because I won’t talk to her. I don’t know what to do.” She drops her head into her hands again. “Nini’s practically my best friend except for you. I can’t keep lying to her,” she
Learning to Kill: Stories