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ever met. Everything except her had blurred out and I could only see her. So beautiful yet so guarded, so shy yet so frank.
My phone was the only thing that wasn’t kept away in an appropriate state so I could admire her without getting distracted. It’s more-than-loud ringtone panicked me all of a sudden. I quickly picked it up to see who the caller was, and the name that flashed on the screen was the last person I was expecting to cal l ― t he very last person on this earth indeed. My panic was so genuine that I had to compose myself before she could understand the edge of excitement. I didn’t want my plan to ruin just because I couldn’t keep cool. I finally picked up the phone.
"Hey." I tried to keep my voice casual.
"Hi? It’s been four days you haven’t called nor did you text. Is everything fine with you over there?" She sounded concerned.
"I was a bit... Occupied. And it’s been just four days Diane." I sighed.
"Four long days Orpheus. I was worried for you, honey." She melted like wax.
"I am all okay sweet heart." I hated the sound of this word though it was my favorite until yesterday. Now my new favorite word was Oceana.
"Nice to know." She breathed "Orpheus." She lowered her voice trying to seduce me perhaps. "I was wondering if you could catch me up for dinner, and then it’s going to be just you and me all night."
My words were stuck in my throat. I couldn’t speak. I noticed I was breathing evenly. Her trick hadn’t work on me this time. I knew it wasn’t tough to say I wasn’t interested in a night out with her. I just needed some courage to confess and ask if there was even one single moment when she could resist me, because I was definitely finding her concern unnecessary.
"I am sorry Diane. But I think I'd better stay back and give myself some time. You know how hard it is to avoid the media in restaurants." I lied. I was not a kind to be able to lie so easily, but this was very convincing. I was pleased with myself.
"Okay then, may be some other time." I could hear the disappointment in her voice.
“Bye Diane." I hung up.
I was doing it again. I was playing with her emotions just like I played with everyone else's. Just like I would play with Oceana's feelings if we were going to be friends, or more. It was all because I was way too unclear about what I really wanted the most. I couldn’t help but put away the thought of hurting her. I wouldn’t be able to live myself for even a single micro second if I ever did that.
    I looked up to see if she was still standing there. The entire campus was deserted with just one person who was looking straight into my direction. My mind was dazed all of a sudde n ― like a thousand arrows had struck me at once. Like a billion bullets had pierced through me. My dazzled mind tried to focus hard on the face. Even from a distance of a hundred and fifty yards or something, her face was as radiant as the first time I'd seen her. My eyes scanned her drop dead gorgeous body that stunned me as the first time it did. I could feel nothing, hear nothing. Her presence had made it impossible to think or concentrate. I could feel the blood rushing through my veins. My chest was beating extraordinarily loud. If seeing her gave me such goose bumps, I wondered how amazing it would be to touch her, again. Maybe it was better to admit the reality this way. The fact that was going to remain unbeatably strong was that she could be with anyone else, every handsome guy that really existed, like someone from her college, her class or something. Someone she was able to and could trust easily enough. I exhaled. The thought of losing her itself was too scary. I couldn’t even consider it. What was this strange sensation… grief? For what? I didn’t even make friends with her properly so there was simply no way I could be sitting here and thinking of the consequences of losing something I never really had.
When I looked up to the place where she stood, she was