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married for affection. Rather, they treated matrimony as the advantageous joining of titles and fortunes. Husbands routinely kept mistresses and once the heir was born, wives were allowed extra curricular entertainment of their own. This was simply not the life that Vivian wanted. She yearned for the tender gazes and sweet endearments that her parents shared. She wanted to be cherished and adored. She wanted happily-ever-after. But three days into her twenty-sixth year of life, she started to wonder if she would ever have her heart’s desire.
     
    Four hours later, Lila exited the plane giving no further thought to the Julius look-a-like. She picked up her suitcases at baggage claim and went off to rent an SUV with more of Josh’s air miles. Normally, she would have opted for a mid-sized car but that wouldn’t have used nearly enough of her boss’s precious frequent flier points. Once Lila was buckled into her premium vehicle and driving down I-94 toward Bentley, she smiled and realized how truly happy she was to be going home.
    As she pulled into the driveway of her childhood address, Lila felt an amazing sense of rightness. She knew “they” said you can never go home again, but there she was, home again, back in the arms of her family and haven of her youth, back to the wonderful land where nothing ever changed. She turned off the ignition and inhaled the sweet scent of contentment just as her mother, or someone who rather looked like her mother, ran out the front door waving a broom and screaming, “Get out of here you filthy fuck!”

Chapter 4
    L ila cautiously stepped out of the SUV and stared at the woman in front of her. She bore a strong resemblance to her Mother, but couldn’t be for two very distinct reasons. Lila’s mother didn’t have red hair and she certainly didn’t use the “F” word. As soon the crazy lady saw her, she launched at her into a dead sprint, “LILA!!! My baby, you’re home!”
    Lila was thrown back a good three feet on impact and tentatively ventured, “Mom? Is that you?”
    “Of course it’s me, darling! How was your flight?”
    Still in shock, she stammered, “Good, good… I like your hair.” Although she hadn’t made up her mind whether she really did or not.
    The mother impersonator asked, “Isn’t it fucking fabulous?”
    There was that word again. The one her real mother didn’t know. “Mom, why are you swearing?”
    Bitsy Montgomery filled her daughter in on the details of a little depression that she had been experiencing. She confided, “I just haven’t been myself lately. So I went to see Dr. Schiller and he suggested that I make some changes. You know, do something completely unexpected.”
    Confused, Lila asked, “I’m going out on a limb here, Mom, but do you think he might have meant something like macramé or cross training?”
    “Oh no, darling. He wanted me to do something that I would have never considered doing in a million years.”
    Still trying to get used to her mother’s new look and vocabulary, she ventured, “Skydiving? Belly dancing?”
    Bitsy laughed, “No honey, really, he wanted to me swear. He said that it would help free up my thoughts if I expressed myself in a more dynamic way.”
    “Well, I’d say you’re doing a remarkable job. What’s the deal with your hair? Was that another one of Dr. Schiller’s ideas?”
    Bitsy laughed, “Nope.” Then she leaned in and whispered, “Your father always wanted to go bed with a redhead so I thought I’d make his fantasies come true.”
    Lila reeled back as though her mom slapped her. Her father’s fantasies were the last thing that her real mother would ever talk about! What was going on here? Tennis playing, country club going, Bitsy Montgomery, appeared to be on a strange hiatus. She had transformed herself into a red-haired, potty-mouthed, slightly sexier version of herself. Lila mused that the difference was akin to June Cleaver morphing into Sophia Loren.
    Lila’s mom