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charm!
    (NOTE: What emerged from my insides shortly after the curtain was anything but charming.)

CHAPTER 6
RULE: It’s Good to Bury the Hatchet—So Your Former Costars Won’t Find It and Use It on You
    N ever go to bed angry. Unresolved anger can destroy even the strongest of relationships. And for God’s sake—unresolved anger has no business being at anyone’s wedding! And I’ve had four weddings. I’m an expert.
    Which brings me to the story of the marriage of my old
Star Trek
colleague George Takei, who played Lieutenant Hikaru Sulu.
    There’s been a great deal of enmity between George and me. He’s been saying mean things about me for nearly forty years now. That’s nearly Star Trek (Two) Generations! Criticizing me publicly, in every venue imaginable! He says that I have a “big, shiny, ego!” Well, actors have big egos. If mine is shiny, it’s because I tend to it very carefully and lovingly.
    Perhaps George’s needs a good polish.
    To be fair, George is not the only veteran of the USS
Enterprise
who has hard feelings. Walter Koenig has been vocal about his disdain for me, James Doohan was not a fan, and Nichelle Nichols told me—while I was interviewing her for my book
Star Trek Memories
—that she detested me. Set phasers to Awkward!
    All this animosity! I guess I could blame myself, but the things I really blame . . . are the Star Trek conventions.
    There, I said it.
    Now, the conventions have been good to me over the years, I enjoy going to them. I smile politely when a fellow comes up to me and asks for my autograph in the native Klingon tongue.
    (NOTE: When someone speaks to you in Klingon, say “
nuqjatlh?”
It’s Klingon for “huh?” That usually wraps up the conversation pretty fast.)
    But in the early days, I didn’t attend them. Wouldn’t go near them.
Star Trek
was a job I did for three years, it ended, I moved on. I fear my fellow cast members did not, and were hopelessly stuck in Stardate 2999.9 and operating on the Prime Directive of “Hate Bill.”
    The supporting cast, some of whom I wouldn’t see for days or even weeks at a time during our initial filming schedule due to the size of their roles, would later attend the conventions and be greeted with cheers. Fans would tell them that their characters should have been given more to do! Had their own series!
    Now, had they been the
stars
of
Star Trek,
they
would
have been there every day on set. Like I was. And Leonard. And DeForest Kelley. And maybe they would have gotten their own shows.
    And I’m all for spin-offs, but they never happened.
    FAILED
STAR TREK
SPIN-OFFS
    Montgomery’s Ward
: Montgomery “Scotty” Scott retires to run a haggis shop and is forced to raise an irascible teenager named Lulu. He threatens all her boyfriends with “opening up a big can of fully activated phaser bank!”
    Uhura-Who?
: Uhura suffers amnesia, sits around, and monitors the frequency of a nearby ATM machine.
    Warp & Windy:
Mr. Sulu tries his hand as a weatherman at a small-town television station. His catchphrase? “There will be rain this weekend. Engage Slickers!”
    And I believe the adoration of these supporting actors at conventions led to a mutiny against their beloved captain. There were allegations that I stole lines from cast members, close-ups, someone’s lunch out of the fridge. No comment on that last one.
RULE: If You Don’t Write Your Name on Your Lunch, I Write “William Shatner” on It
    And I have apologized time and time again for whatever it was I supposedly did. In the press, on the television, in the pages of my books, and in person.
    But there is one thing I will not apologize for. There is a hierarchy in show business, which I did not invent. The stars get the preferential treatment. That’s how it is. The people who are paid less, based on billing, get less attention. The main character in
Star Trek
was James T. Kirk. He narrated the show. He was . . .
captain
of the ship upon which the stars were