Shame

Read Shame for Free Online

Book: Read Shame for Free Online
Authors: Karin Alvtegen
she took a look at the small plastic buttons. With her thumb and forefinger she gingerly pulled out the jacket and snorted as she examined them. DON’T KEEP SILENT! STOP THE TORTURE. FEMINIST – DAMN RIGHT! IF I AM ONLY FOR MYSELF – WHAT AM I ? A candle wrapped in barbed wire with the legend rights for all. A multitude of small self-righteous messages about this and that, as if she had taken on the responsibility of changing the world all by herself. Oh well, it would pass when she got a little older and understood the way things worked.
    She heard the little person go into the bathroom and fill a bucket with water.

    It took about half an hour for her to finish. Maj-Britt stood by the balcony door and waited for Saba to come in. Outside in the playground stood a father pushing his child on a swing. The child, who couldn’t be much more than a year old, whooped with laughter each time the swing changed direction and fell back towards the father’s outstretched arms. She had often seen them there. Sometimes the mother came along too, but she seemed to suffer from some kind of pain, because sometimes the man had to help her up after she had been sitting on the park bench. Saba stayed near the balcony and never paid any attention to the people she met outside. And Maj-Britt would send the home helps out to pick up the dog shit; she didn’t want any complaints from the neighbours about letting Saba out alone.
    She opened the balcony door to let Saba in. At the same moment a window opened on the second floor across from her, and the mother of the kid in the swing stuck her head out.
    ‘Mattias, there’s someone on the phone asking if you want a ride to the course you’re taking. Something about car-pooling.’
    That was all Maj-Britt heard, because now Saba was back inside and there was no reason to keep the door open. She pulled it shut. When she turned round, Ellinor was standing in the room.
    ‘I can take her out for a while if you like. I did the cleaning so fast that I have time for a short walk.’
    ‘Why should you do that? She’s just been outside.’
    ‘But I thought she might want to go for a longer walk. It might be good for her to get some exercise.’
    Maj-Britt smiled to herself. This was a bolder move than most of them made, but there would still be some way to get rid of her.
    ‘Why do you think she needs that?’
    ‘A little exercise is always a good thing.’
    ‘For what?’
    Maj-Britt could see her gaze waver. She was suddenly searching for a better choice of words, and that was certainly needed. The objective was to make her opt for no words at all.
    Maj-Britt didn’t take her eyes off her.
    ‘What do you think would happen if someone didn’t get any exercise?’
    Now she was finally speechless.
    ‘Maybe you think someone might get fat, if they didn’t exercise?’
    ‘It was just a suggestion. I’m really sorry.’
    ‘So what you’re saying is that it would be dangerous to get fat. Am I right?’
    So. This one shouldn’t be any problem in future.

    Ellinor had already opened the front door when Maj-Britt handed her the letter.
    ‘Could you post this for me?’
    ‘Of course.’
    Her eyes scanned the address with curiosity just as Maj-Britt had foreseen.
    ‘I didn’t ask you to deliver it in person. Just stick it in a post-box.’
    Ellinor put the letter in her handbag.
    ‘It was nice meeting you. I’m the one coming next time too, so we’ll be seeing each other again.’
    When she received no reply, she closed the door behind her. Maj-Britt looked at Saba and sighed.
    ‘We can hardly wait, can we?’

    It turned out as she had anticipated, only easier. As soon as the letter was out of the flat, the walls managed to regain something of their old ability: to provide a boundary between herself and everything out there she didn’t want to deal with. She felt safe again.
    She had two days to be happy. Then Ellinor was back again, and Maj-Britt understood right away that she hadn’t

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