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firm.
    BERNIE : Flat belly, beautiful pair of tits.
    DANNY : No question.
    BERNIE : Now she is fine. (Pause.)
    DANNY : Right.
    BERNIE : But now look over there. The broad with the dumpy legs and the fat whatdayacallit.
    DANNY : Stomach.
    BERNIE : Her legs are for shit, her stomach is dumpy, hertits don't say anything for her, and her muscle tone is not good.
    DANNY : Right.
    BERNIE : Now she is not a good-looking girl. (Pause.) In fact she is something of a pig. (Pause.) You see? That's all it takes . . . to make the difference between a knockout looking broad, and a nothing looking broad who doesn't look like anything. (Pause.) You see my point?
    DANNY : . . . yeah?
    BERNIE : Makes all the fucking difference in the world. (Pause.) Coming out here on the beach. Lying all over the beach, flaunting their bodies . . . I mean who the fuck do they think they are all of a sudden, coming out here and just flaunting their bodies all over? (Pause.) I mean, what are you supposed to think? I come to the beach with a friend to get some sun and watch the action and . . . I mean a fellow comes to the beach to sit out in the fucking sun, am I wrong? . . . I mean we're talking about recreational fucking space, huh? . . . huh? (Pause.) What the fuck am I talking about?
    DANNY : Are you feeling all right?
    BERNIE : Well, how do I look, do I look all right?
    DANNY : Sure.
    BERNIE : Well, then let's assume that I feel all right, okay?
    DANNY : Okay.
    BERNIE : I mean, how could you feel anything but all right, for chrissakes? Will you look at that body?
    (Pause.) What a pair of tits. (Pause.) With tits like that, who needs . . . anything.
    A long pause. They watch an imaginary woman pass in front of them .
    BERNIE : Hi.
    DANNY : Hello there.
    Pause. She walks by.
    BERNIE : She's probably deaf.
    DANNY : She did look deaf, didn't she.
    BERNIE : Yeah. (Pause.)
    DANNY : Deaf bitch.
    *Some portions of the dialogue appear in parentheses, which serve to mark a slight change of outlook on the part of the speaker—perhaps a momentary change to a more introspective regard.—D.M.

The Duck
Variations

     

    The Duck Variations was first produced by The St. Nicholas Theater Company, at Goddard College, Plainfield, Vermont, in 1972, with the folělowing cast:
    EMIL VARěC
Pablo Vela
GEORGE S. ARONOVITZ
Peter Vincent
    It was directed by David Mamet; set and lighting by Jim Drake.
    It was first produced off-off Broadway at St. Clements Theatre, New York City, in 1975, with the following cast:
    EMIL VARěC
Paul Sparer
GEORGE S . ARONOVITZ
Michael Egan
    It was directed by Albert Takazauckas; set by Michael Massee; lighting by Gary Porto.
    It was produced off-Broadway at the Cherry Lane Theatre, New York City, with Sexual Perversity in Chicago, in June of 1976, with the following cast:
    EMIL VARěC
Mike Kellin
GEORGE S. ARONOVITZ
Michael Egan
    It was directed by Albert Takazauckas; set by Michael Massee; lighting by Gary Porto.

     

    The Scene:
    A Park on the edge of a Big City on a Lake. An afternoon around Easter.
    The Characters:
    Emil Varěc and George S. Aronovitz. Two gentlemen in their sixties.
    This is a very simple play.
    The set should consist only of a park bench and perhaps a wire garbage can.
    The actors can be discovered seated on the bench at rise, or they can come on together, or separately and meet.
    Any blocking or business is at the discretion of individual actors and directors.
    There should be, though, an interval between each variation—it doesn't need to be a long one—to allow the actors to rest and prepare for the new variation. This interval is analogous to the space between movements in a musical presentation.

     

    The Duck Variations
    FIRST VARIATION

It's Nice, The Park Is Nice
SECOND VARIATION

The Duck's Life
THIRD VARIATION

Also They Got Barnyard Ducks
FOURTH VARIATION

The Duck Is Not Like Us
FIFTH VARIATION

Did You Know What I Was Reading
SIXTH VARIATION

What Kind Of A World Is It
SEVENTH VARIATION

Yes, In Many