Read Sexual Perversity in Chicago and the Duck Variations for Free Online Page A

Where?
    BERNIE : There.
    DANNY : Oh yeah.
    BERNIE : My sweet goodness.
    DANNY : Uh huh.
    BERNIE : What a sensitive young lady.
    DANNY : Check this one out.
    BERNIE : Don't bother me.
    DANNY : I'm telling you.
    BERNIE : Where?
    DANNY : Two o'clock.
    BERNIE (looks) : Oh no!
    DANNY : Yes.
    BERNIE : Oh no!
    DANNY : I'm afraid so.
    BERNIE : I see no reason to go on living.
    DANNY : Ummm.
    BERNIE : There can be no more to life.
    DANNY : Yes.
    BERNIE : In a way it's sad. To think I gaze upon the highest man can wish for . . .
    DANNY : Berine . . .
    BERNIE : His destiny . . .
    DANNY : Bernie . . .
    BERNIE : The fruition of a pain-laden stay on earth . . .
    DANNY : Hey, Bernie, isn't that whatsername?
    BERNIE : Her?
    DANNY : Yeah.
    BERNIE : Is she who?
    DANNY : What zername, who you introduced me to last week.
    BERNIE : Naaa. This broad is much better looking.
    DANNY : I think it's her.
    BERNIE : This broad has a lot more class.
    DANNY : NO . . .
    BERNIE : Lookit her boobs. (Pause.) Am I right or not?
    DANNY : Yeah, I think you're right.
    BERNIE : Hey! Don't look behind you.
    DANNY : Yeah?
    BERNIE : Whatever you do, don't look behind you.
    DANNY : Where?
    BERNIE : Right behind you, about ten feet behind you to your right.
    DANNY : Yeah?
    BERNIE : I'm telling you.
    DANNY (looks) : Get the fuck outta here!
    BERNIE : Can I pick ‘em?
    DANNY : Bernie . . .
    BERNIE : Is the radar in fine shape?
    DANNY : . . . I gotta say . . .
    BERNIE : . . .Oh yeah . . .
    DANNY : . . . that you can pick ‘em.
    BERNIE : I know I can. And will you look at the chick in the two piece wet-look jobbie?
    DANNY : Where?
    BERNIE : Where I'm looking. (Pause.) Those legs . . .
    DANNY : Oh no!
    BERNIE : . . . all the way up to her ass!
    DANNY : Jesus.
    BERNIE : And beyond for all we know.
    DANNY : You said it.
    BERNIE : Look it her.
    DANNY : Yup.
    BERNIE : Fuckin‘ look it her.
    DANNY : I know it.
    BERNIE : Tell me she is not flaunting herself all over the beach.
    DANNY : She is casting it to the winds.
    BERNIE : Look at that suit.
    DANNY : Bern . . . Bernie . . . I think that I can see her snatch.
    BERNIE : You're fulla shit.
    DANNY : On my honor. I can see her fucking snatch.
    BERNIE : You can see her snatch?
    DANNY : I'm telling you.
    BERNIE (looks): I can't make it out.
    DANNY : At the top of her legs.
    BERNIE : I know where it is, I just can't see it.
    DANNY : When she breathes in. You gotta look close.
    Pause . They look.
    BERNIE : Where does she get off with that noise?
    DANNY : Yeah.
    BERNIE : That fuckin’ pisses me off.
    DANNY : Yeah.
    BERNIE : That pisses the fuck off outta me.
    DANNY : I know.
    BERNIE : Piss.
    DANNY : Cockteaser.
    BERNIE : Prissy little cunt.
    DANNY : Right on the beach.
    BERNIE : Piss me off.
    DANNY : Little prude.
    BERNIE : On the fucking beach.
    DANNY : And those tits!
    BERNIE : Don't talk to me about tits.
    DANNY : Nice firm tits.
    BERNIE : Where does she get off with those tits?
    DANNY : What a pair of boobs.
    BERNIE : Not that I'm a tit man . . .
    DANNY : I know.
    BERNIE : I mean, I dig tits . . .
    DANNY : I don't blame you.
    BERNIE : . . . but I wouldn't go out of my way for a pair of tits.
    DANNY : Yeah.
    BERNIE : The way I see it, tits . . .
    DANNY : Yeah?
    BERNIE : . . . are what you make of ‘em.
    DANNY : It's like anything else.
    BERNIE : But an ass . . .
    DANNY : Yeah.
    BERNIE : . . . is an ass .
    DANNY : Goes without saying. You know what I like?
    BERNIE : What?
    DANNY : Stomach muscles.
    BERNIE : You're talking about flab.
    DANNY : Yeah.
    BERNIE : I know what you're talking about.
    DANNY : I know you do.
    BERNIE : Flab.
    DANNY : Fuckin’ flab.
    BERNIE : Who needs it?
    DANNY : More trouble than it's worth.
    BERNIE : A nice pair of legs though . . .
    DANNY : I know it.
    BERNIE : . . . is like money from home.
    DANNY : A home away from home.
    BERNIE : Now look over there to illustrate my point.
    DANNY : The broad?
    BERNIE : Right. Nice legs, eh?
    DANNY : Yup.
    BERNIE : Very acceptable old ass . . .
    DANNY : Nice,