coat and put his arms around her and I flashed back to all the times heâd wrapped me in his arms and said, âGod, I love you, Lola, I canât live without you.â
But clearly he had lived without me. There he was, standing right in front of me, living, breathing and getting on with life without meâ¦and loving someone else.
It was all so horribly wrong. And then I did something I have never done in public, I began to cry.
âI think you might need a drink, old thing,â Charlie said, interrupting my hell.
I wiped my errant tears away and pulled myself together. âNo, honestly, Iâm fine. Just premenstrual something-or-other. Itâs been a long night,â I assured him in my CCC voice.
Charlie put his arm around me and pulled me in for a hug as we watched Richard and the blonde climb into a cab and disappear into the night.
âMy car is probably here now, isnât it, Charlie?â I asked crisply, to show I was so over Richard.
I donât know whatâif anythingâCharlie said, but somehow he must have put me into the car, because the next thing I remember was driving past Selfridges thinking of all the good times Richard and I had shared. Because there were good times. You donât marry a man and agree to share your life, your body, your secrets, your finances without there being good times.
Richard and me, weâd had our good times. I was a fool to throw it away according to Kitty. Memories of the two of us cuddling up in bed on cold winter weekend mornings with the newspapers. Newspapers that were more often than not abandoned in favor of delicious sexâat least far more delicious than the sex Iâd been having lately with the stream of âboyfriendsâ I picked up and dumped likeâ¦well, a bit like Charlie dumps his greyhound girlfriends, really.
The familiarity of Richardâs body, his touch, his smell, all came flooding back to me as the taxi finally pulled up outside my flat on Grosvenor Street.
Once back in the microscopic confines of my Mayfair flat (only marginally bigger than my cupboard-cum-office affair at work) I tried to shrug off my nostalgia by reminding myself that I was a quirky single, and tried to put all thoughts of Richard from my mind. I deposited Jean in front of the television to watch the news. Sheâs got a thing about keeping up with daily events, Sky News being her favorite.
I set about getting dressed for my evening out with the girls. First choice, Earl jeans, sling-backs and my latest Top Shop tighter-than-tight T-shirtâa girl has to make the most of her C-cups, as Clemmie is forever reminding me.
âOh bugger!â I cursed, doing a practice Mick Jagger strut in front of the mirror. I turned to Jean for her opinion but she was engrossed in a story about an accident on the M4 motorway. I threw my wardrobe over the bed and changed and rechanged and changed again. I settled on my oldest pair of Levi jeans with the worn holes in the knee and tight T-shirt. This time I wrapped a big green Voyage belt around my hipsâthe one with the diamante green V on the buckle. V as in very, very, cool.
By this time I was running late for the girls, so I opted for rock-chick glam hair, which is an exotic way of saying I couldnât be shagged blow-drying it straight. So with my hair tumbling down my back in an unruly cascade of curls, I slapped on some mascara and lip gloss, slipped on my impossibly high Gina sling-backs that Charlie had given me for my last birthday (and which added four and a half inches to my height of five foot five). Finally I grabbed my latest little favorite clutchâthe one I bought myself for a tenner at H & M, crammed it with my makeup, slipped my mobile down my cleavage and grabbed my keys.
âDonât worry, Jean, I wonât be late tonight,â I promised, about to scoop her up for a cuddle, but she hopped away huffily, her focus firmly on the television. Apart