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Brazil
nut industry. I am a little sketchy as to what his actual job is, but I think
he’s the fellow who squeezes the nuts in the squeezer, to give them that
peculiar shape. I may be wrong, of course. Then I bring him with me?’
    ‘Certainly,
certainly, certainly. Delighted, delighted.’
    ‘A wise
decision on your part. Who knows that he may not help the general composition?
He might fall in love with the secretary and marry her and take her to Brazil.’
    ‘True.’
    ‘Or
murder the Duke with some little-known Asiatic poison. Or be of assistance in a
number of other ways. I’m sure you’ll be glad to have him about the place. He
is house-broken and eats whatever you’re having yourself. What train are you
taking tomorrow?’
    ‘The 11.45 from Paddington.’
    ‘Expect
us there, my dear Emsworth,’ said Lord Ickenham. ‘And not only there, but with
our hair in a braid and, speaking for myself, prepared to be up and doing with
a heart for any fate. I’ll go and ring my friend up now and tell him to start
packing.’
     
     
    3
     
    It was some hours later
that Pongo Twistleton, having a tissue-restorer before dinner in the Drones
Club smoking-room, was informed by the smoking-room waiter that a gentleman was
in the hall, asking to see him, and a shadow fell on his tranquil mood. Too
often when gentlemen called asking to see members of the Drones Club, their
visits had to do with accounts rendered for goods supplied, with the subject
of remittances which would oblige cropping up, and he knew that his own affairs
were in a state of some disorder.
    ‘Is he
short and stout?’ he asked nervously, remembering that the representative of
the Messrs Hicks and Adrian, to whom he owed a princely sum for shirting, socks
and under-linen could be so described.
    ‘Far
from it. Tall and beautifully slender,’ said a hearty voice behind him. ‘Svelte
may be the word I am groping for.’
    ‘Oh,
hullo, Uncle Fred,’ said Pongo, relieved. ‘I thought you were someone else.’
    ‘Rest
assured that I am not. First, last and all the time yours to command Ickenham!
I took the liberty of walking in, my dear Pongo, confident that I would receive
a nephew’s welcome. We Ickenhams dislike to wait in halls. It offends our
pride. What’s that you’re having? Order me one of the same. I suppose it will
harden my arteries but I like them hard. Bill not with you tonight?’
    ‘No. He
had to go to Bottleton East to pick up some things.’
    ‘You
have not seen him recently?’
    ‘No, I
haven’t been back to the flat. Do you want me to give you dinner?’
    ‘Just
what I was about to suggest. It will be your last opportunity for some little
time. I’m off to Blandings Castle tomorrow.’
    ‘You’re… what?’
    ‘Yes,
after I left you I ran into Emsworth and he asked me to drop down there for a
few days or possibly longer. He’s having trouble, poor chap.’
    ‘What’s
wrong with him?’
    ‘Practically
everything. He has a new secretary who harries him. The Duke of Dunstable seems
to be a fixture on the premises. Lady Constance has pinched his favourite hat. and
given it to the deserving poor, and he lives in constant fear of her getting
away with his shooting jacket with the holes in the elbows. In addition to
which, he is much beset by Church Lads.’
    ‘Eh?’
    ‘You
see how full my hands will be, if I am to help him. I shall have to devise some
means of ridding him of this turbulent secretary —’
    ‘Church
Lads?’
    ‘—
shipping the Duke back to Wiltshire, where he belongs, curbing Connie and
putting the fear of God into these Church Lads. An impressive programme, and
one that would be beyond the scope of a lesser man. Most fortunately I am not
a lesser man.’
    ‘How do
you mean, Church Lads?’
    ‘Weren’t
you ever a Church Lad?’
    ‘No.’
    ‘Well,
many of the younger generation are: They assemble in gangs in most rural
parishes. The Church Lads’ Brigade they call themselves. Connie has allowed
them