Read Secret Lives for Free Online Page A

her whiskers. “That’s for a cat to know,” Ash says. Once in the clearing, Richard stops in his tracks. The clearing is full of Maine Coon Cats. Under the dusky sky, with the half-moon already beginning to shine down. So many Maine Coon Cats that Richard cannot believe his eyes, all of them huge and proud and padding about on enormous paws. The calm strength of the cats invades his body, makes him relax, takes his nervousness away from him. “Can you tell me, Ash?” he says. “I think you know, Richard,” Ash says. “It just took a little while for you to remember. Not everyone remembers all at once. Give it time.” “I’m serious, Ash,” Richard purrs as he lopes alongside Ash. “Can you tell me what this is all about?” Richard’s coat is shiny, his whiskers twitching. “Now you know,” Ash whispers, as they join all the other Maine Coon cats, under the moon, across the clean-smelling, dark-green Kentucky grass . . .

THE SECRET LIFE OF
    HONORIO ALVES
    Honorio Alves sells Subaru parts and accessories. According to him, he was born in the Azores. This is a blatant and filthy lie, although Alves may have suppressed the memories of his true childhood and believes he tells the truth. Nonetheless, Alves was not born in the Azores. He was born in the Antipodes, the son of a centaur named Gabriel and a unicorn named Dawn. No one was more surprised to have a human child than Dawn, who had been hoping for a uni-taur. As the privileged offspring of mythical beasts, Honorio—so named for the honor of having been born to such august parents—spent his formative years under the shade of banana trees being fanned by the wings of tiny dragonfly-sized faeries, who would sometimes pull his hair out of spite. As for schooling, Honorio received his grammar lessons from a ten-foot-tall kangaroo named Samantha, his math lessons from a llama-man named Bosun, and his science from a discredited skunk-ape named Larry. This may account for the fact that he scores well on tests given to him while in close proximity to zoos. The only trauma inflicted on Honorio during his years in the Antipodes came at the hands of the King of the Antipodes, who most commonly took the form of a giant wild boar—bigger than an elephant. One day, while hunting humans, the King of the Antipodes tripped and his left front hoof struck Honorio a glancing blow on the top of the head. After the aardvark doctors stitched him up, Honorio could hardly see the stitches—and, indeed, the resulting scar could now only be seen now if he were to shave his head bald and then examine the top of his head, with the aid of a mirror, under the intense light of a full moon. Then, and only then, might he see the imprint of the curve of the King of the Antipodes hoof upon his pate. Because Honorio cursed the King for his clumsiness, he was banished from the Antipodes forever and eventually wound up selling Subaru parts and accessories. But the most outrageous part is that Honorio has forgotten all of this in his headlong rush into his secret life for Subaru. But no—I cannot believe he remembers none of this! And yet, when I bumped into him in his place of business and began to recite the tale, I could tell at once that he thought me a liar. I forgot entirely that I needed to buy an alternator and entered into an argument with the man. How can he have forgotten that I once taught him astrology under the shade of the banana trees? How can he have forgotten the Antipodes, that heaven on Earth, the place we both may one day return to, once the King is dead?

THE SECRET LIFE OF
    BRANDON PERKINS
    Brandon Perkins is a full time student at Montana State University, majoring in business finance. His three best friends in the world are his girlfriend Dawn, his brother Chris, and his dog. He has a third best friend, but because this friend is invisible, Brandon chooses not to discuss him with anyone. Brandon knows his invisible friend is real for two reasons: (1) he only met