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waited.
    “Couldn’t sleep,” Cosmo eventually offered.
    “You must be freezing. Here, take this.” Alasdair walked over and shrugged off his dressing gown before draping it over Cosmo’s shoulders.
    “Thanks.” Cosmo shivered. “Now you’re going to get cold, though.”
    “I’ll be fine. I’ll make us some tea.”
    “Can I have a cocoa instead, please?”
    Cosmo’s comfort drink. The one he only ever had when he felt utterly dejected. Alasdair would have to tread carefully, give him time to confide. He fought down the urge to give another anti-smoking pep talk. It wasn’t like Cosmo didn’t know the dangers involved. No one could avoid it these days, what with those gory pictures of tumours the government made them print on the packets. Alasdair pulled the cocoa and sugar out of the cupboard and poured some milk into a pan. Enough for two cups. Misery loved company.
    “Did I ever tell you about my first cigarette?” Cosmo asked, his voice soft, almost hesitant.
    “I thought you used to light them for your nan all the time.”
    “Yeah, I did. But this was the first time I had one for myself and smoked all the way through. I was twelve.”
    “Behind the bike sheds at school?”
    “Nope. It was at home, in the middle of the night. I’d been picked on that day at school. Nothing too bad, just name-calling. You know the kind of thing. Cosmo’s a Gaylord. Cosmo sucks dick. Backs to the wall, Cosmo’s about .”
    Alasdair ground his teeth but kept his cool as he switched off the heat and began pouring warm milk into the mugs. “What was it like?”
    “The bullying? Made me feel like shit. Angry. Helpless. Not ashamed, though. I was fucked if I was going to apologise for who I fancied.”
    That sounded about right. There was his little fighter again. Belligerent Cosmo was much easier to deal with than dejected Cosmo. But then again, maybe it was the depression he should be addressing. “I meant the cigarette. How did it make you feel?”
    “Dizzy to begin with, then kind of nauseous. Stood up too fast and thought I was going to fall over.”
    “Yet you still wanted to smoke again?” Alasdair set the mugs down carefully, then lowered his bare arse onto the seat of the chair next to Cosmo. Chilly, but he didn’t want to leave Cosmo to go and find more clothing.
    “Yeah, I did. It wasn’t so much about the physical effects, but it did something in here.” Cosmo tapped his head, before taking a sip of steaming cocoa. “Mmm, that’s perfect. Thanks.”
    “In your head?” Alasdair prompted.
    “Hmm? Oh, the cigarette. Yep, it made me feel stronger. More grown up. Like I could cope with the situation. Didn’t need anyone else’s help, see? Just me and the ciggie. We had an understanding.”
    Alasdair stared into the bubbles on the top of his drink. “So it was like having a friend?”
    “That’s it. Exactly. A friend. I didn’t have many of those at the time. The other lads at school had started avoiding me in case they got accused of being my boyfriend. I had a few girlfriends, but they couldn’t really understand what I was going through, and they weren’t always around. Couldn’t call one of them up in the middle of the night when I was feeling low, could I? But the ciggies, they’ve been there for me through everything. Every time I’ve needed a boost, or a quiet moment. Whenever it gets too much for me. They never nag me or demand anything for themselves.” Cosmo reached out and stroked the plastic bag with such fondness it almost made Alasdair regret asking him to give them up.
    Almost, but not quite.
    “They do demand something, though, don’t they?”
    Cosmo sighed. “Yeah, I just didn’t notice until it was too late. All they want is my eternal devotion. They’ve got me bloody well craving them every single hour of the day. All I can think about is lighting one up and sucking it down. Fuck it. It’s worse than being in love.” Now his hand on the bag wasn’t so gentle, and